


Reflection: A. Hotchner

by totallyfictional



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Investigation, Romance, Widow, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27564610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallyfictional/pseuds/totallyfictional
Summary: When Liv faced a loss that would rewrite her entire life, she stepped away from her work. A year and a half later, she returns to the BAU in search of normalcy; so she can finally move on. On a new team, Liv is immediately thrown into the game of catching killers and saving lives, however, there is one factor that is different from what she once knew of the BAU.Aaron Hotchner.Healing from her grief, dedicating her life to her work, and finding new relationships in unexpected places has Liv in a world she has never known. Will the obstacles it brings wear her down, or will she finally find peace in the life that is always changing?(S5-6)
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

Every time the sky fell, rippling thunder and drenches of rain, wind ready to sweep up the whole city, you knew that Olivia Tate was angry. Her fury was the worst kind too; it wasn't rioting and childish, it was quiet. It was the moment that you could see all thought of compassion leave her eyes, draining her face of it's usually light. The moment you knew Liv was really mad was like looking down a far stretching hallway, door after door slamming shut like dominos until every last one was sealed, and the woman before you was merely stone. No, she wasn't foolish in her anger at all. She was calculated. Precise. Determined. She had tunnel vision in any means of vengeance, of justice.

While to some it seemed like a character flaw, there was one thing Liv knew. Sure, that side of her could suck the life right out of every sea, but more importantly, it made her really good at her job. 

But it had been awhile since the FBI had seen Liv's face, let alone heard the whisper of her name. She hadn't worked in over a year and a half. "I'm just worried about you sweetie, that's it." Her mom said through the phone, voice laced with it's usual concern. "This is your first time going back since the incident-"

"Mom, please, stop calling it an incident." Liv sighed, sitting in the living room of her home. She had spent so much time there in the past year and a half, secluded and isolated, she didn't mind the thought of going back into the field that would keep her away most nights. Those walls felt more haunting than homely.

"You know what I mean, honey. How do you know your ready to go back?"

"Considering the fact I'm paying my therapist a lot of money per hour, I would hope I can trust her when she says she thinks I've processed enough to go back to work. I just want things to be normal again." Liv explained, ignoring the way she may have been stretching the truth a little bit.

"What happened has numbed you, Liv. And this job, it's gonna numb you too. You used to be so happy, and now you're so serious and-"

"Serious is what they need in the field, Mom." She said quickly, before closing her eyes and letting out a breath. She couldn't blame her, she was right to worry. "Look, I miss work. You know I love what I do. Don't you think that maybe going back to the only aspect of my life that feels normal might help make me happy again?"

"I suppose so..." Her mother trailed off. Liv could try all she wanted too, but she knew there was no amount of explaining that could crush a mothers anxiety for her child.

Liv had tried so hard to reassure her mother that she was completely certain about returning to work, but the day she arrived back, she felt like she had no one to tell that, secretly, being back in this place felt like a whole new universe. It was familiar, which felt good, but also, felt empty. Because things were different now, and walking in to this place, and going home from here would forever feel different. And now, she was on a different team. That would be good for her too, but it didn't help the nerves. Her fingers swirled around the small chain around her neck as she walked to the Chiefs office.

"Chief Strauss." She greeted once she arrived, shaking the woman's hand. She moved to sit until she realized the woman was already walking, talking as she did so. 

"Your new team just got a case in, so I think it's best we move quickly." Liv moved in a hurry behind her, picking up the pace while also trying to lug her things along. "I hope that over your hiatus you've been keeping up a little, I'm glad to have your seriousness and discipline back at the BAU." Strauss turned corner after corner, passing people who seemed to subconsciously step aside in her presence. "That's exactly what this team needs."

She stopped suddenly before two tall glass doors, making Liv fall still in her tracks. "There is something I need you to understand before you become a part of this team. I chose you for this team because I know you're a very no-nonsense girl. I need you to take this job very seriously, and protocol very seriously. This team has suffered many instances in the past of reckless behavior and undermining the rules. I don't want to have to investigate them again, so I need you to understand the role that you have."

Liv followed along, finally nodding. "You can count on me." She said without missing a beat. If there was anything Liv could be, it was serious, and in her mind, this job was all about precision and strategic moves. Recklessness was what happens when you involve emotion, and that was not something Liv slipped up on. 

"Excellent. Follow me this way, to your unit chief." She said, now navigating her through the bull pen and up to the office. She didn't have much time to get eyes on her team, but she had a feeling the whole journey to her unit chief that they had eyes on her. She was new meat, stepping into territory they had all already marked. "Aaron Hotchner."

Aaron Hotchner looked up from his desk full of paperwork, standing at the entrance of the two women. "Chief Strauss." He greeted as they shook hands. The energy between the two, Liv could tell was indicating said rocky past Strauss had with Agent Hotchners team. "Your new recruit." She said, motioning to Liv.

Liv extended her hand out, shaking his firmly. "Olivia Tate."

If there was anybody who looked like a unit chief, it was Aaron Hotchner. The dark hair, serious expression, consistently furrowed brow. His eyes looked like they never stop analyzing whatever they landed on, like he never quite stopped doing his job. She could feel that as she met his stare, and she felt pretty certain he was already sizing her up to the rest of the team, wondering just exactly how good Liv actually was. "Welcome to the team." He said simply. "Our liaison just got in a new case, we're meeting in the briefing room in ten minutes. That should give you a moment to get settled at your desk." He turned to walk away before turning back, “and Agent Tate, you won’t need a go bag. Unfortunately this case is local."

Liv caught Strauss' naturally critical stare hanging on Agent Hotchner a little too long, like she was waiting for him to crack. The only issue was, from what Liv could tell, it seemed liked he never would. She was having a difficult time understanding how someone so serious, seemingly so professional, would be leading a team that Strauss called "reckless".

So they were jumping straight into it, she thought to herself. No better way to get back into the game than to dive in head first. She had just reached her desk and set her stuff down before she could already feel a presence beside her, looking at her from his swivel chair merely a desk away. "So you must be the newbie, huh." He said with a playful, laid back expression. He had dark, smooth skin and a kind of smile you just knew got him a lot of attention. Something about the way he smirked a little bit too told her that he was very much okay with it. "Derek Morgan."

"Olivia Tate, pleasure."

Derek introduced her to the rest of the team as well, and it didn't take long for it to become apparent the natural chemistry between each of the team members. If Liv were any less of a force of nature, she would surely shrink back in intimidation of how closely knit they were. She was an outsider in a group that felt alarmingly exclusive. To her luck however, the rest of the team members were certainly a lot more loose and laid back than Agent Hotchner was, making the new introductions smooth and simple. 

She was particularly intrigued by a man named doctor Reid, who seemed a little too young and a little too smart to be at the BAU. He had a fidgety, awkward way of shifting his weight from one leg to the next and tucking his hair behind his ears. While he may have been the youngest there, he was definitely the brains of the group. It intimidated her slightly. Back in her old team, everyone seemed to be on the same level, filling in the gaps for each other that the others didn't know. Not only was she coming back from hiatus, but she was coming back to a team with a baby genius.

Liv sat back and listened to the continuous banter between Morgan and Prentiss until Agent Hotchner walked in, followed by Agent Jareau, whom Strauss had introduced her to not long before. Agent Rossi, a so far quiet man, looking amused at the way Prentiss and Morgan quickly let their banter die the moment Hotchner was settled in his seat. JJ wasted no time before being to present, because as they all soon found out, time was really of the essence.

"Aimee Lynch, eight-years-old was taken an hour ago from a winter festival in Ashburn." JJ began, flipping to a picture of a sweet looking little blonde girl.

"Any witnesses?" Prentiss asked.

"Her mom Barbara was right next to here when she vanished."

"There mustve been hundreds of people there. no one saw anything?" Prentiss questioned in disbelief. The winter festival was a carnival setting, people flooding in and out unmonitored and as they pleased.

"Its a temporary gathering." Liv pointed out, and all eyes fell on her. She knew she hadn't talked much, but she was here to contribute, and it seemed like everyone was still watching as if to figure her out. The time that had passed since she last did field work didn't make her question her abilities, but sitting in that environment again, it made her feel like a martian.

"That's true, it would have little to no security." Reid agreed with a nod, giving her a soft smile that she returned.

"Reid and Morgan, head to the family's house. Prentiss and JJ, I want you working with Garcia. We need to be looking at every local abduction or every attempted one in the past year." Hotchner instructed before turning his gaze to Liv. "Tate, stick with Agent Rossi and I, we're gonna run point from the local department."

Ah yes, Liv knew exactly what he was doing. Keeping her close on her first case as to assess her capabilities and contemplate her value to the team. She nodded in agreement. Trust had to be earned.

"Good news is that we're barely into the second hour." JJ said, earning a wave of nods around the table.

"Yeah well, odds are we've only got 22 hours to find Aimee alive, so lets do this." Morgan said. Pairs split off towards their designated directions, and Liv quickly gathered her things before following along the two superiors of the group. While Rossi was her teammate as much as anyone else was, his amount of experience in the field commanded a certain reverence from everyone he worked with. Following behind the two men, Liv felt a little bit like a child being carefully watched over, as to make sure she didn't break anything. 

With that unpleasant feeling in mind, she was even more dedicated to sitting down and giving everything she had to this case.


	2. Chapter 2

The case was not going well. The parents of Aimee were accusing Reid and Morgan of giving up on their daughter, just because time was running out. A woman had insisted on speaking to JJ, claiming that her son was taken by the same people eight years ago, which was sparking controversy on whether or not their was any validity to the claim within the team. Garcia had kept them updated on all the abductions in the area in the past year, which was mildly horrifying to think about how much more common it was than people chose to believe. Hundreds of kids just one day disappear, and are never found again, not even as a corpse. Everyone was growing increasingly frustrated at the pace in which the investigation was moving so far, including Liv, who couldn't help but pinch the bridge of her nose and rack her brain for any possibility she had not yet considered.

"Look we all think that Aimee could be alive, no ones given up on her. That's why there hundreds of volunteers and officers combing every inch of the county." Agent Hotchner said in frustration. His expression didn't change much, but anybody could hear the rising annoyance in his tone.

"But they're dragging the rivers and digging up the woods. That's not gonna help us if Aimee is still with the unsub, if she's still alive out there." Prentiss reasoned. She was right. If they where pushing the agenda that Aimee is still with whoever took her, why were they already planning to poor girls funeral?

"What about Charlie, is he still alive?" Morgan interjected, with more caution in his tone than anybody else had. Charlie was the son of the woman who claimed the same people took eight years prior, though according to JJ, that was not the first time the woman has claimed something like that.

"Sarah believes it." JJ said. Liv had to admit, if anyone was valid in deciding to investigate this woman's claim further, it was JJ, who had supposedly been dealing with this woman with every abduction case in the area.

"Eight years shes been saying the same thing JJ. Have you thought about why you suddenly believe her? Do you think it might be because you're a mother?" Morgan asked, a hurt look registering on JJ's face. There was a tense feeling spreading through the team, and Reid started fidgeting with his hands. It seemed the people in the room who were most baffled by a comment like that were all three women, Prentiss and Liv exchanging a look of disbelief.

"It's because another woman just walked in here with the exact same ruse used 8 years ago. I can't deny that. Can you?" JJ defended quickly. Hotchners eyes followed in between the two, surveying the tension and letting them both speak their concerns.

"All I'm saying is, if we go from a single abduction to multiple abductions over 10 years, that changes everything. We all have to be convinced that's what it is, based on an unbiased profile." Morgan declared. As charming as his smile was, Liv was not a fan of what he was implying. She never was particularly good at keeping her mouth shut either, and questioning if JJ was being overly emotional was distracting them from the actual case, which only frustrated her more.

"I don't think it will help much to make accusations like that, Agent Morgan. If you look at it unbiased," she emphasized. "You have two eight-year-old children, both taken from public places lacking security, and evidence of an identical ruse being used to steal each child right from under their parents nose. And I'm not a mother."

All eyes fell on her again. Morgan looking as caught of guard as ever, Rossi and Reid looking equally surprised, the former a little impressed, and Hotchner looked rather invested in what she was saying. She could've sworn that with the end of her correction of Morgan's tactics, she saw the corner of his mouth twitch upward a little.

"That's not just the same ruse, that's a signature." Prentiss added in, agreeing with the two other women. 

"Charlie would be sixteen now. We all know that preferential offenders typically dispose of their victims before they reach puberty." Hotch chimed in.

"Maybe he serves another purpose."

"Aimee's mom said the unsub was slight. It wouldn't be easy to keep a teenager under her thumb." Rossi said. Liv could still feel Morgans eyes on her, probably full of criticism. Strauss had told her that shortly before her arrival, Agent Hotchner had stepped down, and Morgan was temporary unit chief. However, whether that idea was still in his head, Liv answered to Hotch only.

"Except that she's had him since he was 8 years old. He would be completely submissive to her by now." Prentiss said. It seemed like the whole group was throwing out idea's, seemingly trying to understand how this could all fall together.

"Keeping him could explain why Charlies body was never found." Reid agreed.

"Garcia, go back ten years nationwide. Start with abductions and target rich environments. Rule out any with bodily recovery, dead or alive." Hotch decided, apparently believing it was worth a shot. "We need to check out Aimee's abduction sight with new eyes. Tate, you're with me."

The festival grounds were eerily empty by then, and as the pair approached, it felt far too quiet for comfort. That was, until Hotch spoke. "Agent Tate, I understand you are new to the team so I don't expect you to be adjusted yet, but we typically try to not speak to each other with hostility. Our success in the field is completely dependent on our ability to work together as a team."

Liv smiled a little as she walked beside him, finding humor in his attempt to correct her when she had seen the slight amusement he found in her quick witted response. "I understand, Agent Hotchner, but if hostility is uncommon, I hope the same goes for implying motherhood has made a woman less capable of her job." 

He stopped to look at her, partially because that had arrived at the abduction sight, and partially to see if she truly was willing to be so bold on her first day in the team. He stared at her, studying her brown eyes and saw that she was as serious as ever. It reminded him a little bit of himself. "Has anyone ever questioned your ability to consider a case from an unbiased perspective because you have a son?" She asked.

"No." He answered simply. Whether or not it was the best first impression for some of the members of the team, he couldn't deny that she was right. She continued on with the case before anything else was said, or any more silence and staring could ensue. Really, she was eager to get the case finished, not only to ensure this little girl, and possible other children's safety, but to prove to herself that she could still do it. To feel that feeling, of saving someone. 

"Alright, so she was standing about... here." Liv trailed a long, planting her feet in a spot close to the edge of the festival grounds.

"It's crowded, families all around," Hotch says, surveying the area. Liv took a deep breath, letting her eyes fall shut, and letting her imagination encase her in a reality of bustling crowds of people, the sounds of children laughing, and the faint ghost of a once happy family. "The unsubs are watching, waiting for the best target." Hotch continues.

"The mother turns," Liv says as she does so, "watching another mother frantically calling out for her daughter. She lets go of Aimee's hand."

"By the time she turns around, Aimees gone."

"As is the mother who was just crying out-" 

"Aimee can't answer her mother as she calls for her because the unsub has her face buried in his chest. To passersby, it looked like any parent carrying a crying child. 30 seconds later, shes concealed in a vehicle and they're gone" Hotch said, pointing out towards the far back corner, over a small hill. Right to a deserted parking lot.

"Same vehicles circles around her to the mother." Liv said, walking up to the curb on the other side. "once she gets in, it's done. One unsub distracting Aimee's mother, another grabbing Aimee, who's driving?" She thought out loud.

"It took three unsubs to pull this off." Hotch concluded. "If the same people took Charlie then we're looking for a group"

"If they're keeping their victims, how are they hiding them?" Liv asked in confusion. A group of child abductors with who knows how many kids? That's a lot of mouths to feed.

"Once we figure that out, we'll find them."

They were all shown a picture of what one of the victims, Charlie, was supposed to look like now, eight years later. To think they had had this child for so long, or threatened him so deeply, they were able to bring him out in public to help with another abduction without trying to run away... Liv couldn't even imagine the kind of conditions they were in, or the manipulation they were under. Based on the expressions of everybody else, no one seemed to be able to believe it.

There was only one issue they couldn't figure out. Where would somebody hide all of those children?

"Managing all of those children wouldn't be easy. We should start with domestic calls and disturbances. Concentrate on families who were visited by social services." Hotch ordered.

"Why are they staying in North Virginia?" Liv asked aloud. You would think with that many victims, you wouldn't want to stay close.

"There has to be something that's keeping them here." Reid shook his head, brow furrowed in thought.

"They could have a child care facility on the premises as a cover." Pretniss offered.

"At least a sizeable chunk of land, not visible from the street." Liv nodded. They were reaching the end of their window of time, and they were all visibly pushing through fatigue and frustration to try to remain level headed.

"It would probably be a single income family, someone has to stay at home with the kids." They were getting closer. 

"23 families." Garcia narrowed it down. It was a lot, but it was they best they were gonna get. 

They went door to door until Prentiss and Morgan found the unsubs. By the end of the day, three children, including Aimee and Charlie, were returned to their parents. Eight families got only closure. It was hard to see, but at the same time, the glowing look on those three families faces helped significantly. In the BAU, that is what a good day looked like. Liv knew they were normally not so lucky. So for the mean time, she stood and watched the expressions of the three families on a day they would never forget, and felt a small ounce of pride that she was apart of the team that pulled it off.

"How was your first case with the team, kid?" Rossi asked Liv once they had gotten back to the BAU. He seemed to summon a more father figure of the group, and so she found his efforts endearing. 

"Just like old times." She said with a smile, sorting out the files on her desk for the paperwork she had to complete. "Glad to be back at it again."

"As natural as riding a bike. Once you know how, you never forget." He said with a reassuring wink. She had been growing fonder of the team the more and more time she spent with them. Hotch was serious like her, and she respected it. Prentiss was intentional and precise, and her paired with JJ's passion made for a great team. Reid was an encyclopedia of a person. Rossi was always there to keep everyone on the right path. Liv had even met the technical analyst, who was spunky and colorful, but also seriously good at her job. And then there was Morgan, who Liv could feel glancing at her as she shuffled through her paperwork. He was probably still unhappy at her calling him out in front of the whole team today. She wanted to say she understood, but she didn't. She was a part of the team now, she couldn't be the newbie forever.

Liv set her pen down and stood up with a sigh, walking over to Morgan's desk in the bull pen. She thought about Hotch's words of wisdom about hostility, and he was right, she would never fit into the team if she didn't at least try to balance out her seriousness. "Agent Morgan, I hope that now that the case is solved we can both move past our disagreement today. I look forward to working with you and the rest of your team."

He leaned back in his chair, twirling his pen with his fingers while shrugging. "I get it. You're here and you've got something to prove."

That didn't sit well with her, and she probably should've just taken it, for the sake of peace. Alas, that was not Liv's nature. "Well, I don't quite feel like I have to prove anything to anybody. Strauss picked me out for this team, I would imagine that's enough."

Morgan chuckled in a way that made rage bubble in her chest. "Strauss put you on this team because she doesn't understand this team."

"Agent Morgan," She said with an ice to her tone. Her brown eyes were watching him closely, not wavering under his equally as intense gaze. "It seems like you have me all figured out."

"Well that's my job, isn't it?" He said plainly. Liv had seen him with the other team members, and he was so much kinder. Was it really such an issue that she was just straight forward about her opinions? Or was he frustrated that he didn't call the shots anymore, and was taking it out on her? "You're here because you're an extension of Strauss. You're the only way that she can feel in control, by sending in someone who's strictly business and protocol. Trust me babygirl, I looked over your case file. You find yourself justified in being outspoken just because you've felt pain."

"And how exactly is that?" She snapped back at him, her glare deadly.

Morgan didn't say anything, and he didn't have to, instead his eyes just flickered down to the spot on her chest where there hung a necklace, holding a dainty, delicate wedding ring. 

Everybodys desks in the bull pen were in speaking distance of each other, and at the comment, all of their eyes fell on her. Hot, white rage boiled in her chest. How dare he imply that she was, what, a bitch? Just because she had lost someone?

Liv probably would've lost all professionalism in that moment if it weren't for a deep voice calling from the other side of the rail. "Agent Tate. My office, now."

Liv didn't bother breaking eye contact with Morgan as she tried to calmly walk to Hotch's office, not wanting him to feel like he won. Once the door was shut, Hotch let out a deep sigh, pinching in between his eyes for a moment before turning to her. She would've thought it was funny to see him do that, just like she did every time she was trying to think, but her eyes were spaced out on the floor, and her fingers were tangled in the chain around her neck, lost in thought. She was trying to keep herself from heaving in anger, to convince herself to take the punch rather than fighting back, but that was never how it worked out.

"Tate, for your first day working with this team you have managed to rock the boat a little more than I would expect from someone who is wanting to stay on this team." Hotch said matter-of-factly, not even bothering to move and sit at his desk. He just stood right in front of the door, watching her with his usual seriousness. His eyes moved over her. He was still trying to figure her out. "Strauss spoke highly of your performance on your last team, so what seems to be the issue?"

"I had approached him to apologize for my hostility, Agent Hotchner." Liv said low and slow, trying her best to keep her temper.

"That didn't look like much of an apology to me." He shot back with annoyance. That caught her attention, and she looked at him wildly, fire burning behind her brown eyes.

"It stopped being an apology the second that he brought my dead husband into it."

Hotch fell silent, as did his expression. For Hotch of all people, that hit close to home. It had been too soon after Haley, and to think that the woman before him knew that pain. He glanced down at the spot on her chest where her fingers twirled the small chain that rested there, nothing adorning it but a wedding ring. And for a few moments, he easily forgot about his team, or who was right or wrong. For a moment, all he could think about was the pain. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"I'm sorry for yours too." She said softly, like all the heat and anger in her chest had melted away in a moments time. Hotch studied her again, and she couldn't help but think over today's case. The excitement of all the pieces falling back into place. Saving those children. Doing her job, and how familiar that felt. Saving people who couldn't save themselves.

"Agent Hotchner, I am here to prove myself to my superiors, not my teammates. So if you're telling me that you don't believe I'm fit for this team, I will go. But if you're saying that because a teammate finds me disagreeable..." She trailed off, shaking her head. "I know I'm serious, but so are you. And I'm not here as a favor to Strauss. I'm here to do my job, just like I did before."

His eyes softened in a way she didn't quite imagine was possible, and while his brow was still furrowed, he gave a small nod. "Alright." He said. How could he have been surprised? He knew deep down that Morgan was not in the mood to be tested as of late, knowing he only stepped back down because Hotch came back after Haleys death. And he had kept Liv close to him all day in the field, for the sole purpose of seeing how she did her job. She was quiet, the same serious expression has him. Loss does that to a person. But in her silence, she was scanning every detail of every scene, every file, mixing and matching them in a million shapes until she found the way they fit. She was good at her job.

Hotch began towards his desk, and Liv turned to leave, somehow all her fury gone, like a candle that had been snuffed out. Before she could go, Hotch turned to her again. "And Tate," he said, and she looked back expectantly. "You can just call me Hotch."

She paused for a moment, taking that as somewhat of a form of acceptance, before nodding and shutting the door behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm worried about you, Liv." Her therapist, Sydney, said, sitting in an adjacent chair. She was playing with her necklace again, looping it around her finger and unlooping it repeatedly. "I think the routine of work will be good for you, yes. But are you sure you won't be too invested?"

"With all due respect, I've always left emotion out of my job. If you don't, it ruins you." Liv corrected.

"Right but, not invested in the victims, Liv. Invested in the outcomes." Her therapist had the habit of chewing the end of her pen when she waited for Liv to answer, which secretly drove her crazy, but she never said anything out of fear that if she didn't have the incentive to get her to stop, perhaps Liv would spend her whole session sitting in silence. She stared at the warm white walls. It had a hint of beige, as to not be too cool, too sterile. These were the things therapists did intentionally to try to create a welcoming space, yet still. Liv was staring at the warm walls and the plants in the window sill and the only thing making her want to speak was this godforsaken pen chewer.

"What are you implying?" She asked, already prepared for the answer.

"I think, you couldn't save Ben because there was no way for you to see it coming. You need control, Liv. I'm just afraid you might get too invested in saving everybody."

"Every agent struggles with that," She defended. "It's rare you suffer loses and don't think about the 'what if's?'"

"You're right." Sydney admitted, nodding to emphasize her agreement. "I guess, what my question is... is every time you can't save somebody, is it going to be his face that you see?"

-

That day, no new cases came in, which meant one thing. Paperwork Day, which only doctor Reid was excited for. The rest of the crew grumbled and groaned as they continuously refilled their cups of coffee, trudging through the day with little enthusiasm and not hesitating to head out early. All except Liv and Hotch, one who had the most reason not to want to return home, and the other who had every reason to go. Liv thought of this as she sat at her desk, all the desk lamps around her switched off, and she looked at the distant silhouette of Hotch in his office, scribbling along the table in the same manner he had been for hours. 

Liv looked at the clock. It was 8:30, and she was pretty sure that anyone with a four year old would be putting him to bed soon. With this in mind, and the hope to avoid her extremely vacant house, Liv set her papers aside and knocked on the door.

"Come in." She heard him say, and when she did, he only glanced up from his paper work for a second. "I thought you would've head home by now with the rest of the team."

"Late night, I guess." She said softly, shutting the door behind her.

"What can I do for you?"

"You've done most of the reports for our last case, I was wondering if you wanted me to finish them up for you. Maybe make it back home in time to see your son." Liv offered, trying to mask the desperation in her voice. She needed a reason to not go home.

Hotch looked up from his papers with a split expression, partially confused, and partially concerned. "You're asking for more work to do?"

Liv gave a nervous laugh, acknowledging that it did sound a little strange. "On my last team, we all filled out our own reports. I'm used to it. Besides, you have more of a reason to make it home early."

He looked back down at his desk, glancing over papers before shuffling them back into files and folders. "I appreciate it, though it isn't necessary."

Hotch still looked a little confused, and Liv wondered in the moment if he thought she was trying to win him over, or suck up to him to earn his favor. Her eyes flickered down to his desk, landing on a small framed photograph of a pretty blonde girl holding who she assumed to be his son, Jack. And for a moment, she was encouraged by the idea that he might get it. For a moment, she liked the idea that maybe it didn't take a therapist obnoxiously chewing her pen and asking a million questions to get her to open up. So Liv, for the first time in a while, had a little faith. 

"I went on hiatus from my job after my husband died, suddenly. After that all I ever did was sit at home, because it was once his too, and it was the only way I could feel close to him. Not long ago I woke up one morning and forgot it was a house I ever shared. It feels normal, now, just being me. And it's terrible. So yes, I will take whatever work you will give me. Because you have an adorable four year old waiting for you at home." And all I have is an empty house. She thought, but left out. 

Hotch stared back at her, and she had been expecting a look of more surprise on his face, but it wasn't there. Instead, he only looked at her with a small expression of empathy on his serious face. For once, it was empathy instead of pity. His eyes were full of it, no matter how little the features of his showed it. Liv realized then just how kind his eyes really were. "I understand." He said, dropping all air of confusion. Instead he neatly gathered his paperwork, handing it over to her in surrender.

Within minutes of her returning to her desk, he passed by her, lugging his briefcase and his coat. "Goodnight, Tate." He said as he passed by, and she gave a smile in response, nodding her head. He made it to the glass doors before he stopped, turning to her again. "And Liv," She looked up, only to see him watching her intently. "Thank you, really. Make sure to get some rest soon."

With that, he passed through the great glass doors, and let Liv to sit in the empty agency alone, busying herself with her paperwork and trying not to think about when the stack would end.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're never gonna beat him." Prentiss laughed, watching Liv and Reid engaged in their third game of chess.

"It's true." Reid agreed. "But you do make for good practice."

Liv smiled and shook her head, ignoring the discouragement from her teammates. To be fair, she knew she wasn't going to win. She had been at the BAU for a week now, and felt like she was finally getting the dynamics of how things really worked with them. One of those dynamics was, anticipating Spencer Reid could always outsmart you. She played anyway, to entertain him, and to make the flight go by faster.

She let out a whine of frustration as Reid smugly said, "Checkmate."

They were on their way to San Francisco on a case of a friend of Hotch’s. An unsub was murdering multiple homeless men, and he thought it was connected to the murder of a father and daughter. All murders occurred on the same dates every year, only once year.

"We'll be there soon guys." Hotch said as he passed them towards the drink station, giving them a heads up to wrap up their chess tournament. As he passed, his eyes hung on Liv a little bit longer than they had on Reid, and something about to put a knot in Liv's stomach. She was afraid that perhaps she had said to much in the aftermath of her and Hotch's talk the other night at the bureau, but something had changed in his stare. Her honesty, along with her diligence at her work, she believed, had finally convinced him to stop monitoring her every move to see if she was good enough. Not living under the scrutiny, she had to admit, was pretty freeing.

"What do we know about previous victims?" Rossi spoke up, ready to crack open the details of the case. His inquiry gained everyone’s attention, discouraging Liv and Reid from pursuing another game of chess.

"The tenderloin district has a high concentration of drug addicts and homeless people, all the victims have been transients." Reid stated, ready as every to present what he knew.

"So this unsubs choosing easy targets that won't be missed." Morgan concluded, looking between them all. "He’s not concerned with the challenge of the hunt. All these victims are part of a larger plan."

"Which he excecutes with a single gun shot wound to the head after a couple days of keeping them. He’s using them for something.” Liv nodded along, chess long abandoned.

'"Reid, did you find any significance to the dates?" Hotch asked.

"Nothing historical. It’s got to be personal to the unsub." Reid responded. That was never a preferred outcome, it only made them that much more clueless as to why this unsub felt the need to kill in the first place.

Hotch gave everyone their orders, following it with, “No one should expect to get a lot of sleep for the next three days."

"What about Cooper’s team? You said he had a theory." Rossi asked. Cooper was the friend from another team calling in the favor from Hotch, he was the one who had been watching this case for years.

"He believes that whoever’s murdering these homeless men is also abducting fathers and daughters, and killing them once the transients are disposed of."

"So then we'll investigate the dead men, and his team can see if there is a missing father and daughter." Rossi nodded his head. Him and Hotch thought in synchrony most times, normally on the same page before words were spoken after working around each other for so long.

"Why isn't his team on a jet now?" Prentiss asked, saying what all the other agents were thinking.

"Because the director wouldn't authorize them joining the investigation.” He said simply, like it wasn’t a big deal.

"They’re working against the directors orders?" Even Rossi seemed surprised.

"We need to concentrate on the dead men abducted from the Tenderloin. Coopers team can help determine if there's a missing father and daughter and whether it's connected to our case."

"Or, you could get in serious hot water if the director thinks you're helping to defy her." Prentiss said like it was obvious. Based on Hotch's typically serious demeanor, it was apparent he was not one to try to push breaking the rules unless he totally had to. 

"No, Hotch is right. I've known Sam Cooper for 20 years, and I've never seen him defy an order." Rossi nodded, eyes on Hotch. "If he feels this strong about a hunch, we need to help him however we can."

Everyone looked between each other with reluctance, knowing well enough to follow their orders, but hesitant to do anything that would get Hotch in trouble. Liv thought about what Strauss had told her, and the critiques she had about this team. She was right, apparently, but being in the case made it different. If this other agent was right, too many lives were being taken annually unaccounted for. If the director wasn't going to do anything to connect the murders, it was up to them, whether it was against protocol or not.

All they could do now was wait for the jet to land, and they would be arriving shortly. The team dispersed again, finding their way back to their seats or the drink station. Liv watched Hotch from her seat, Reid, who was near her, now busying himself by reading through all of the case files. If he was concerned at all, he didn't show it.

"You must really trust this guy, to go against the director." Liv said, watching him. He looked up at her with a hint of curiosity. "You really think they could all be connected?" Killing homeless men, and following it with a father and daughter... That was going to be a complicated case. Any unsub with that kind of victimolgy had a very specific, unique motive for their violence, one that would be hard to pin down, but they had to if they were ever going to catch him.

"I think it's worth looking into. And if Cooper is right, we only have three days before another round of victims are dead."

Once they arrived, Liv accompanied Hotch to the house of the father and daughter that was suspected to be missing, and in connection to the homeless killings. They fit the victimology of every other father-daughter victim so far, and as they approached the house, neither Hotch nor Liv seemed to have much hesitation that it was involved in their case.

"Agent Hotchner with the FBI, this is Agent Tate." Hotch introduced them both as the concerned looking woman opened the front door.

"We're here in regards to your missing daughter and husband." Liv explained. The woman shook her head quickly.

"Don't-" She said, before peering out the front door down either side of the road, then shooing them in. "Just get inside, hurry." She slammed the thick oak door quickly behind them, seemingly rattling the whole house. They looked at her in confusion for her frantic demeanor, and Liv tried not to take note of how close Hotch stood next to her after being hurried inside. "Oh god."

"Mrs. Mcbride." Hotch tried to get her attention, her wild eyes shooting up to his.

"You just got my family murdered." 

They settled in the living room, Liv setting down a glass of water she got from Mrs. Mcbride's kitchen, and she took it with a nod. LIv noticed the way she kept glancing out the window, as if expecting something to go horribly wrong any minute. If she was looking there, she staring at the family pictures cleanly posed along the mantle of her fire place. "He told me if I got the police involved, he'd kill them. A day later, this showed up on my doorstep." She said, playing the video on her TV. It was a film obviously used to scare her, and by the way she fidgeted at the presence of the FBI at her house, it had worked. The video ended with a single ringing gunshot and a man fallen dead. "What if he knows your here? Maybe they're already dead-"

"This camera is set up on a tripod," Hotch pointed out to her, his brow furrowing as he observed every detail. Whoever the unsub was, he purposefully kept out any indicative or recognizable details in the back ground, never showed his face either. From the video, they couldn't conclude much more about who he was, or where he was keeping them. 

Liv followed up Hotch's statement. "That tells us that he's working alone."

"It would be nearly impossible for him to watch over his victims and do surveillance simultaneously." Hotch reassured her. She took her head in her hands, drawing a deep breath before nodding once Hotch told her they would post a guard at her house. The second the door shut behind them, Hotch pulled out his phone. "I need to call cooper. His theory was right, it's all connected."

-

Needless to say, Hotch had been right. The clock was ticking and there was not much sleep in sight for any of the team, nor had they gotten any since they got there.

"Why bother leaving them bloody and bruised, if he just kills them execution style?" Rossi asked. Reid was scribbling something on the white board, so messy and disorganized, while also bizarre, no one else could understand what he was getting at. Prentiss sat back down next to Liv, a coffee for each of them. 

"It could be an outlet for his anger." Morgan suggested, and Rossi shook his head. 

"But then where do the father's and daughter's come in?"

"Why not just stick to the victims no one will notice are missing." Prentiss nodded her head in agreement.

Liv looked down at the folder of pictures before her, gruesome accounts of the victims from past years. "Guys," She said, earning everyone's attention. "What if the defensive wounds found on the victims aren't from fighting the unsub? I mean," She pulled the pictures out. Each victim had a particularly gruling look to their fists, bloody and torn up in attempt to fight someone off. "He's picking men that aren't particularly small in size, this guy would have to be pretty banged up all the time if his victims were fighting back like this."

"The unsub is forcing them to fight each other." Reid said, gears turning in his head. Liv could tell he was not set on a track where the story was beginning to all fall together.

"Why make homeless men fight each other?" Prentiss asked.

"Not each other." Liv realized, eyes going wide. "Forcing the father to fight-"

"To keep his daughter alive." Rossi finished. This was the furthest they had gotten in hours, and suddenly, it seemed like they might be able to end this before time runs out, and he disappears again for another year.

"Garcia," Hotch said to the phone. "Look for anyone who had gone through a custody battle and lost in the past 3 years or was deemed unfit. Also look for men who's daughters died within the same characteristics as the girl." He got the response of a prepared Penelope typing away quickly on her keyboard.

"He's making them fight, what, to prove what he would do for his daughter?"

"Cross reference that list with people who may have lost a daughter on the dates chosen by the unsub, I'm going to start reading names. Maria Salter, Carla Denny, Joyce Collard, Dawn Sparrow..." Hotch read out loud.

"We have a name. John Vincent Bell."

-

They had found the father, but the unsub had taken the daughter and ran. Morgan pressed harshly on the gas of their SUV, Liv holding the handle above her full force as to not fly around with each turn. They had choppers out, and as Hotch had just told them over their radios, he was heading for the rooftops. Her and Morgan were two blocks away, jerking the wheel when he saw the parking garage the unsub was scaling. The choppers lights flashed over them as it scanned the rest of the building, waiting for a glimpse of the man and his victim. The two agents catapulted themselves from their seats, slamming the doors behind them.

"Come on!" Morgan called as he whipped his gun out, taking off in a sprint. Liv did the same, trailing not far behind him. Beads of sweat pooled on her forehead, them running in what felt like circles up each level of the parking deck. Her throat tightened in desperation for air, but her feet didn't slow down.

"He's trapped in the east corner." Their radios spoke to them, encouraging them to move faster. The air was much colder at the top, exposed to the evening sky where the sun was setting, and every breath she drew felt ice cold. She could see the unsub ahead in the corner, spinning around at the presence of more cops. He held in front of him the 14 year-old girl, responding to their intrusion by pressing the barrel of a gun to her temple.

Morgan shouted before anyone else could, "John Bell, FBI, put the weapon down!"

He looked at them wildly, glancing between agents and the walls of the parking deck around him, like he still believed he could make it out of this free and unscathed. The girl he held cried out at the presence of so many guns, let alone the one pressed to her head, and Liv's hands tightened around the handle of hers. 

"Drop the gun!" Liv warned. He gave one more survey of the top level, before letting go of the girl and pushing her forward harshly. The cops behind them were quick to step up and get her away safely, but her and Morgan stood their ground, guns pointed, waiting for his surrender.

Instead, he stood on the ledge of the building, gun no longer pointed anywhere, and drew a deep breath before he dropped.

Morgan yelled out for him not to, but his body had already disappeared. Liv ran up to the side of the building, peering over the ledge, only to realize it was not a straight drop. Instead, out of sight from the chopper hanging above them, the unsub had dropped down to a ledge close below them, springing on Liv the second she let her guard down.

She felt the butt of a gun slam across her face, pushing her head back quickly, and the sensation of the skin across the bridge of her nose splitting stung her eyes. The blow pushed her down to the ground, hands scrambling to her gun as hot, thick blood washed down her face. The second that he aimed his gun, ready to pierce through her skull, a gunshot rang through the air that made her flinch, squeezing her eyes shut.

When she opened her eyes again, the only thing she could see was the unsub stretched out in front of her dead, blood trickling from the corners of his lips.

"I need a medic!" She heard a low voice call, before it was kneeling beside her. "Tate! You okay?"

She looked up at Morgan, wiping her face of the blood she could taste, and nodding quickly. Her face ached and the blood was still coming, but she knew it was much better than the alternative she would've been met with. Morgan's arms wrapped around her as he helped pull her up. "Come on babygirl, lets get you looked at."


	5. Chapter 5

"Follow the light with your eyes." The paramedic instructed, blinding her with the pen light as she followed along. "Good."

The girl wiped down her face, ridding it of it's blood stains, and leaving her adorned with the gash across the bridge of her nose, already starting to form a bruise that crept under her eyes. She was sure she looked like hell. "Given the placement, stitches won't do you much good. You don't seem to be concussed either. We can clean it up and give you something for the pain."

Morgan and Prentiss hung around the back of the ambulance, waiting for the rest of the team and grimacing at the girls face. "It's fine," Liv told them. "My nose was never my best feature anyways."

That was able to gain a smile from both of them, being far too used to business-as-usual Liv. But for her, the unsub was dead, the family saved, and the case closed. All business was finished.

Once the paramedics were done with her, they headed back to meet up with everybody. Reid had been at where their work space was set up, Rossi and Hotch in the chopper that had trailed the guy. They arrived to see everyone had made it back safely, Coopers team extra routy for finally cracking the case they had dedicated more time to than anyone.

To Liv's pleasure, they were passing around beers for everyone, clinking them together and cheering for another successful case. Liv took one happily, giving a shout of support before taking down half the thing in a few gulps. To her defense, she had just been whacked pretty brutally across the face, and she was looking for any kind of pain management she could get.

She sipped happily for a few moments before snaking her way over to where both Reid and Morgan were, undoubtedly bickering like brothers about something useless. Morgan had the tendency to challenge the things that Reid said just for the sake of getting him all worked up. 

"Morgan." She said once it had fizzled out. He turned to look at her in question, eyes glancing at her nose in the meantime. Yeah, she knew she looked like hell. "You saved my ass today, so thank you."

He gave her what felt to be the most genuine smile so far before shrugging. "You might not be my favorite person, pretty girl, but I'd rather you alive than dead."

At his playful jab, she laughed loudly, elbowing him softly and shaking her head. "Ohhh alright, alright. Little quicker on your feet next time and maybe you can save my nose too. Much like you, my looks are all I've got."

Liv found peace in the diminished tension between them, acknowledging that while from the start, he had been a pain in the ass, he wasn't too bad of a partner. Her eyes scanned over the two teams all mingling together. She had been looking for Emily, but in between heads of people moving around, her eyes met Hotch's. They seemed like they had been on her for much longer than she had noticed. 

"Good work, kiddo." Rossi came up from behind her, clapping her on the back. She turned to give him a smile and a thank you, quickly turning back to gaze where Hotch just was. Her lips pulled downwards without a thought as she scanned the room, unable to spot where he had disappeared to.

She finished her beer, weaving through people to get to the cooler to replace it. The chatter was pretty loud, and while she was as happy as them that the case was a success, she still felt a throbbing in her face there wasn't enough beer in the world to subdue. 

"Tate." A low voice said from behind her. She spun around to face it, Hotch standing before her holding a beer of his own, a curious look on his face. "I came to see how you're feeling."

He looked at her intently, and she wasn't sure why, but she caught herself praying that she didn't look as bad as she thought she did. His eyes hung on her face, though it seemed like they weren't so focused on her banged up nose. "Yeah, I'll be fine." She shrugged off, a small laugh escaping her. Something about getting punched in the face really loosens a person up. "It comes with the job, right."

The corner of his mouth pulled upward lazily, giving her an agreeing nod. "You did good work on this case. "I'll be sure to tell Strauss that you're fitting right in with our team."

Liv couldn't help but glance down at the beer in her hand. She hadn't had that much, she hardly even had a buzz. So why were her words catching in her throat? And why was she hung up on the way his subtle smiles made her chest tighten?

"I appreciate that, Agent Hotchner." She said, shaming herself for the professionalism. "Hotch." She corrected herself.

Liv wondered if it was seeing him so casually that was causing her pause. No paperwork in his hands, no brow furrowed in thought, no orders being given. Her eyes wandered down to the way his short sleeves hugged his arms tightly, the way his hair was more disheveled after the long day. The way his jaw looked when he tipped his beer back to take a sip.

Liv's free hand flew up to her necklace, finger tracing the circle that hung from it. And as quickly as the good feelings had come, they were stripped away, replacing themselves with a blanket of guilt and self loathing. How horrible was it of her to even let her mind think of someone in that way? Like she could ever move on, pretend she hadn't already found the person she thought she would spend forever with? Was she not a monster to think that just because he was gone, that someone else could suit her the same?

She didn't notice the way Hotch was watching her, observing her nervous fidgeting tic and wondering how he was a profiler for the FBI, and still couldn't figure out in the slightest what was going through her mind.

She cleared her throat suddenly, all traces of enjoyment on her face gone. "Uh, alcohol and pain meds, not a good mix." She forced a laugh. "I'm gonna head back to the hotel. Night, Hotch."

He didn't get the chance to wish her a goodnight before she was gone, already weaved through the crowd and out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

_Liv knew she was dreaming before she could even absorb where she was. She pondered how strange it was to be waking up on cold rubber flooring, pushing herself off the ground to catch a glimpse of the white, sterile walls. The empty nurses station. The low buzz of the AC that kept the building feeling so cold_

__

__

_Her head was pounding and it felt like she had been asleep for years, opening her eyes groggily. She must’ve been right under an air duct too, cause her limbs were shaking and she nearly couldn’t feel her nose._

_She looked around her, noting how creepy an empty hospital was. Before she could even build the strength to push herself off the freezing floor, she felt a set of eyes on her, snapping her head around to the nearest bend in the hallway. A full head of hair ducked back behind the other side of the wall, out of sight. Golden blond. She knew that hair._

_"Ben?" Her voice echoed through the vacancy. She was responded to by nothing but the slapping of feet on the hard ground._

_Now she was standing, no, she was running, chasing the sound of pattering steps and a huffing breath. "Ben?"_

_Her chest heaved as her feet carried her, quick but not quick enough. Flashes of blond, the squeaking of his old sneakers, the slamming of doors she immediately pushed open. "Ben, stop! Please, just slow down-"_

_She went to swing open another door that he had run through, right as it had clicked shut. Only this time, the lock had clicked too, and she meet the surface at a velocity that only left her entire body aching as it made contact. Her curled fist slammed against it in frustration, banging a few more times in a growing desperation. "Ben... please. Please open the door." She tried to twist the handle with as much force as possible, hoping it would give way under her pressure. "Damn it Ben! Open the door!" She slammed her first again._

_Finally, she took a few steps back before preparing to through her whole frame against the door, running, running..._

In the moment of expecting to finally break through the torturous subconscious barrier her mind had conjured, Liv was instead met with a different kind of pain. Instead, it was the floor of her hotel room, having rolled out of bed in the midst of her mindless thrashing, only to fall straight on her face. She was covered in a layer of sweat, and she could feel the saltiness on her cheeks from tears the were only now multiplying as she took in the pain, and the reality.

Her face had hit the floor just as equally as the rest of her body had, and the large gash on her nose from the case they only just finished had split back open at the contact. It stung in a way that brought tears to her eyes, more tears than were already there, because every moment in that dark, empty hotel room sitting in blood and tears only made her body rack harder with sobs. 

She cupped her hand over her face, whimpering in pain at the contact, trying to push herself up on her arms. She wasn't sure how far she was really willing to go, feeling fatigued and worn out from a sleep that had given her no rest. Liv thought for a moment that it might do her better to stay there all night, using her old tshirt to soak up the blood running down her face, and staring at the window until the sun came up. 

There was a deep, sturdy knock at her hotel room door. She glanced at the clock of her bedside. It was 2 A.M., who the hell was knocking at her door?

She fumbled onto her feet, still holding the collar of her shirt to her face, ready to aggressively tell whoever was bothering her to go to hell, when she looked through to peep hole of her door. Past the tears still running silently, she saw the outline of a tall, dark haired man, in pajama pants and a white shirt.

"Uh, yeah?" She called out, her rage gone. She shamed herself for the way her voice broke even on such simple words.

"I heard a crash, I wanted to make sure you were alright." Hotch's voice said with reserved concern. It was only until she didn't answer, hovering on the other side of the door realizing that she looked like a trainwreck, that he spoke with more intent. "Liv, open the door."

She squeezed her eyes shut, like if she did so for long enough, he would go away. Only when he didn't, she slid the lock on the door open and twisted the handle.

His eyes immediately softened, as anybody's would if they had seen her. Her battered face even worse, the tear stains on her cheeks, unkept hair from attempted sleep. The blood pooling at the collar of her shirt has she tried to get her nose laceration under control. 

"I'll go ask the front desk for a first aid kit." He said, before he set off. She took the time that he did that to slide on a pair of pants, realizing that even though her shirt was big, she had literally spoken to her boss pantless. He hadn't seemed to notice, probably because she looked even more like hell than before. It was like passing by a car crash and not being able to look away.

He came back, closing the door behind him and telling her to sit down. Honestly, she couldn't even fully comprehend what was happening, from still being half a sleep and the seering pain. All she knew was that before she was sobbing on the floor of her dark hotel room alone, and now he was there, wiping the blood off her face as she sat on the bathroom counter. She felt a little bit like a child being tended too, but she didn't care. In the moment, she was thankful for someone demanding to help her. Liv knew she would never be able to ask for help herself.

"Ow" She winced as he dab across the bridge of her nose.

"Sorry." He muttered, his expression one of deep concentration. He hadn't even tried to ask her yet how it had happened, which she was grateful for, because she would be very content with getting the night over with. Her tears had stopped now, and she wasn't sure if it was because the moment had passed, or because Hotch was standing right in front of her, and her brain couldn't think about much else.

"I'm sorry I woke you up." She said numbly, to which he only shook his head.

"It's not a problem." He said, as he continued cleaning her up. "Do you have another shirt to sleep in?" He was eyeing her old college tshirt that looked like it had seen plenty of days, especially now having soaked up so much of her mishap.

"No, but it's fine, we leave-"

"You can take one of mine." He cut her off before saying, "This is probably going to bruise a little worse now."

She looked up at him, unsure if she was still dreaming or not. No, her dreams were not kind. Not kind like him. 

And in the moment, she had nothing else to do but study the features of his face as he worked, minding every crease and curve. He was so serious, the sharpness of his nose and his straight brows made that clear. The crease running between them; she wondered what he looked like when he was sleeping, not so worried or professional. What was he like at his calmest?

Once he was done, he left for a moment, returning with a plain tshirt of his that Liv was too tired to even try to refuse. He handed it to her before hesitating. "This... isn't about the case, is it." He said more like a statement than a question.

It wasn't because he was a profiler, in fact, Liv looked up and couldn't figure any reason as to why she felt like she couldn't lie to him, but she did. "No." He nodded simply, before putting things away back into the first aid kit, and heading towards the door. 

"Hotch?" She called out before he could leave, and he turned around in the doorway, looking at her again with those soft eyes. She wanted to thank him. She wanted to tell him to care for himself the way he did for others. Frankly, she wanted to tell him everything, because Aaron Hotchner knew. He got her. But all the words hit the back of her teeth and dissolved, leaving her with none of the things she was secretly wishing she could say. "I'll uh, give this back to you in the morning." She motioned towards the shirt. He nodded before telling her to get some rest, and shutting the door behind him. 

She pulled her tshirt over her head, flinging it in the corner of the room, before slipping on the plain grey one Hotch had given her. When it passed over her head, she could smell what she guessed to be his body wash. Liv took a deep breath, climbing back under her sheets and staring at the window, watching the 7-Eleven sign across the street struggle to stay lit. There was no way she could sleep now.


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh my god, Liv, you look horrible!" Her mother said once she swung her front door open, taking in her injury and not trying to sugarcoat it at all, apparently. 

"Oh gee mother, thank you. Do you know how hard it is to look glamorous while hunting down serial killers?" Liv said sarcastically, earning the wave of a hand from her mother as she walked past her through the door and brushed her off. 

"Well doesn't this place need a good dusting... and a little splash of color."

"As much as your presence delights me, what are you doing here?" Liv asked her, watching her set down multiple bags in the kitchen. 

"I brought you groceries." She was already swinging open cabinets and unpacking things, stocking Liv's shelves of product she wouldn't even be around enough to eat. 

"I'm hoping on a jet every couples of days, I never need groceries." Liv said, to which her mother glared. "I mean, thank you?"

"You know, ever since you moved out when you were younger there are very little things I can do for you, especially with your, occupation-"

"Yes, my very well loved job."

"-So give me a little room here, dear, to mother you. Lord knows when I don't, you go and screw up your whole face and look like you haven't slept in days."

Liv pinched in between her eyes as she listened to her mother, but she couldn't help the small laugh that was bubbling in her chest. She was an insistent woman, for sure, but Liv had learned to expect nothing else from her a long time ago. Liv shook her head with a chuckle, surrendering and falling into one of the stools sat by the counter. "You know, I told my teammates not to worry so much about it, I should tell you the same thing."

"Honey, we both know your nose isn't your best feature, but you aren't helping yourself here." Her mother swung open the refrigerator. At that, she received a much larger burst of laughter from Liv, to which she was too busy to fully appreciate. Liv appreciated it, though, because it had been a second since she had last truly laughed at much of anything.

"I know, I know." Liv said, standing up to put the coffee pot on. It was part of their routine, every time they were together. None of the secrets and things that truly needed to be mentioned came out until the coffee was hot. Her mother knew where everything in her house went already, thankfully being a large contributor to it's organization to begin with. It was reminiscent of the years that came after Liv's father died. To fill the hole, the both of them fell into a rhythm that kept them moving, or else they would fall hopeless together.

The coffee brewed and Liv opened the cabinets, pulling two mugs out, leaving alone the big blue one that had an illustration of Ben's hometown on it. The handle fit her hand perfectly, but she didn't dare use his favorite. It wasn't hers to enjoy.

She poured a cup for the both of them, placing them down as her mother finished stocking her cabinets. "I would ask how work has been but it's written all over your face." She said once she finally sat down.

"Very funny. Work has been just fine, thank you."

Her mother held back a smile at her own joke before staring at Liv for much longer than before, giving the girl the indicator she had something to say. "How has it been, really, Liv."

She stared down at her coffee, that was still swirling slightly from the sugar she had just mixed in. "It's a good distraction, really. It feels nice to be... needed, again."

"You aren't staying away from home to much, are you?"

"No." Liv lied.

"Your cabinets said differently." Her mother said knowingly.

Liv let out a sigh, saying, "The world's not waiting for me, and I'm not getting any younger."

"Grief has no timeline." Liv fidgeted with the handle of her cup, fully aware of how her mother was studying the way she took those words.

"I know that. But before any of this happened, my life did." Liv pointed out. "It's just one thing at a time, I guess... But I think it's good for me. My new team is great. The people are kind." Liv smiled, thinking of a certain pair of brown eyes. 

"As long as your happy." Her mother said with a soft smile, extending her hand out to place it over her daughters. "Just, try to get some more rest, okay? Even if it isn't here."

"Okay." She caved. Really, she had an unwavering respect for the people who took such intention with her. Only she supposed that now, her mother was not the only one that did so.

-

"What's going on in there?" Prentiss said from her spot parked next to Reid's desk, all the agents, including Liv, looking up at Hotch's office. He never had his blinds closed, but he did now, and him, JJ, and Strauss had been in there talking about something for half an hour now. They were expected, for their next case, to be in Maryland within the hour. 

Liv had to admit, she was mildly interested to know like the rest of the agents, but when JJ walked out of Hotch's office suddenly, they all looked away in a feigned disinterest. 

Liv slung her go-bag over her shoulder as the rest of the agents did the same. It was only a thirty minute flight, but like all cases, time was of the essence. Hotch came out of his office in a hurry, signaling to the rest of the team to start moving.

"How long have they been in custody?” Morgan asked as Hotch rushed past him.

"60 hours. We have 12 hours to get a confession or find the body." Hotch answered.

They were on the case of a 19 year old girl, who after leaving with two other boys her age, wasn’t seen again. The boys had been held in custody for days, and with little progress, they called the BAU for help. Issue was, there wasn’t much time left to work with.

"Syd Pearson has a lot of money and connections. If we let him go, we may never see him again." Reid stated, only affirming the severity that they get there soon.

"And Barrett?" Prentiss questioned about the other suspect.

"He doesn't have the same resources."

"Do you think these guys did it?" Garcia asked, passing them files and folders to take on the plane as they headed for the elevator.

"The locals do." Hotch said.

"They tried to get them to turn against one another, but that didn't work" Rossi chimed in. That wasn’t surprisingly, boys that age functioned more like wolves than logical human beings.

“Well, when they’ve been friends all their lives...” Liv shrugged.

"Bullet points on the missing woman, second and third are all about the suspects." They all looked down at the paperwork as Garcia explained. They didn’t have a long enough flight to get too much history, but she had done a great job getting all the important information for them on short notice.

"Garcia, we're gonna need phone records, credit card receipts, anything you can find." Hotch ordered, stepping into the elevator. Liv stepped in after him, avoiding his gaze as she turned her back and faced the doors.

“Yes sir, you will have them when you arrive.”

-

“Once she got into that car, we have no idea what happened." The Sheriff played back the footage of the bar the girl was last seen, showing her and two boys climbing into a car together.

"Suspects' stories hold up. They've told them dozens of times without variation. There has to gotta be some truth in them." Liv stood next to Hotch, and Morgan, whom he wanted to lead the investigation.

"Syd Pearson is a handful. Jimmy Barrett is dumber than a box full of rocks." The sheriff shook his head.

"We’ll have to rely on non verbal ques, and then we can expose their weaknesses."

Liv watched the recording playing back from inside the interrogation rooms, watching as Morgan sat down in front of one of the two suspects, Syd Pearson.

His sloppy, cocky grin hung on his face casually, like he had no fear for what he had done. Each response of his was laced with superiority, as if the missing girl was merely a joke to him. It was clear there were more pretentious things about him than just his name.

“God, he reminds me of every teenage boy from grade school.” Liv commented in disgust, watching his relaxed demeanor closely.

“Charming, confident, well-off,” Hotch listed, nodding to her. “Give those characteristics to a boy his age and they’ll use the power however they can.”

Liv let out a small chuckle before looking at him curiously. “Did you ever go through a phase like that?”

She had no idea what had sparked the air of playfulness, but when she saw him suppress a smile, she was glad it had come.

“No, I was uh, a theater kid.”

Liv pressed her lips together tightly, knowing it wasn't hiding the way the corners of them turned upward. The thought of Hotch being in a highschool play, the thought of Hotch being anything but his serious self, made quite the picture in her head. "Ahh, we come from two different breeds." He looked at her with the slightest raised eyebrow. "First chair clarinet." She claimed proudly. She was happy to see that that smile, he didn't try to hide.

"Why haven't you lawyered up yet?" They both heard Morgan say over the recording, obviously growing impatient with the suspect. The cocky, sandy haired boy leaned forward with a knowing smirk before responding slowly.

"I haven't done anything wrong. Look man, we can sit here and do this for another, I don't know, whatever you got left, or I could make this real simple for you. Give me a polygraph."

“He’s trying to control his perception.” Liv shook her head. “We’re getting nowhere.”

Morgan walked out of the room, coming into where Hotch and Liv were watching in a cloud of frustration. As much as he was trying to work up the suspect, it seemed only the opposite was happening.

“This kid won’t break.”

“Not yet.” Hotch said, looking back at him over the screen. “Give him the polygraph. After that, Tate, I need you in there.”

“What good would that do?” Liv didn’t try to mask her confusion.

“He’s treating this like a game. Sending in a younger, attractive female might just throw him off.” Hotch explained. Liv tried to ignore the knot that put in her stomach, let alone the burn she felt in her cheeks. “You have to be authoritative. He’s going to want to entertain your presence, but you’ll surprise him if you come on aggressive. Power like that from a girl will make him panic-“

“And defensive.” Liv nodded. “More likely to make a mistake.”

She looked at the teenager on the screen, as he was stretched back on his chair in content. This was not going to be very fun.

“Alright.” Liv agreed, pushing her hair out of her face in attempt to prepare. “Give him the test.”

-

Liv shut the door to the interrogation room with a loud click, catching the attention of the 19 year old who was standing, stretching out his limbs. He turned to look at her, and her face hardened immediately at the smirk that spread across his face.

“I don’t believe we’ve meet yet.”

“Sit down.” She responded sternly.

He let out a breath before plopping back down in his seat, but Liv remained standing. She didn’t want to give an illusion of being relaxed. “Sydney Xavier Pearson. A name can’t get more pretentious than that, I’m sure you’re parents are the kind to be too happy about you being held in a police station for 72 hours concerning a girl’s disappearance.”

“Yeah, well...” he crossed his arms lazily. “I keep them on their toes.“

Liv nodded, thumbing through the papers she had, not sparing him a glance. “Is that what happened last summer?”

“What?”

“The girl who filed a report against you. Well, lucky for you, she dropped all the charges.” Liv tossed the file on the table, leaning against the back of the chair she refused to sit down in. She kept moving in hopes to not block the camera.

“It wasn’t a big deal.” He shot back, obviously starting to get annoyed.

“Isn’t that what they teach all the boys to say.” Liv questioned.

“Man, someone must’ve really hurt you.” He said harshly, another cocky grin washing across his face. She saw him trying to take the power, and seeing that only made the rage bubble in her chest, only showing on her exterior by the fire in her eyes.

“And yet you don’t see me parading around assaulting people before they conveniently disappear.” Livs tone was harsh, each word ending abruptly.

“She liked it.” He corrected. Liv was beside him now, looking down on him like a child. He shifted in discomfort under her gaze, and her towering posture.

“What exactly did she like, Syd?”

“She practically begged me for it.”

Something about that set Liv off, and she was glad Hotch had told her to be abrasive, cause her next actions were gonna happen whether or not it was a good idea.

Liv took Syd’s arm, twisting it behind his back and pushing him forward, much to his displeasure. “Is this what you did to her? Twist her arm behind her back, Syd?” Her tone rose to a level none of her teammates had heard before, holding a dangerous venom and way of emotion she normally lacked in any of her words. He squirmed but she didn’t let up.

“Or did you choke her? Let me guess, you put your hand over her mouth so that way you and no one else could even hear when she told you to stop.” Liv was seething, the thought alone of what boys like him were willing to do fueling her rage. It was something so common in the field; assault and rape. It derailed a persons life, if they lived through it.

“It wasn’t like that!” He barked back at her, struggling but knowing better than to fight back.

Before Liv had the chance to throw out anymore accusations, Morgan swung the door open with a set of papers, looking mildly surprised at Liv’s demeanor, but nonetheless slamming the door behind him. "This son of a bitch passed.”

Livs grip loosened. "How'd you do it Syd?"

"I didn't do anything wrong!"

By the time Liv had worn out her rage, and the suspect as well, she was still a flurry of emotion by the time she left the investigation room. After having to work someone up like that to get them to crack, it always took a moment after that to come back down.

"You okay?" Hotch asked once she walked back in. His eyebrow was raised in question, and it seemed like he wasn't even listening to whatever Morgan was saying over the recording in the other room. 

"I'm fine." She said, brushing her hands over her shirt to smooth it out. In all honestly, Hotch had been especially attentive to how she was since that night in the hotel room. And as much as it made her feel something she refused to put a name too, it also had her growing increasingly worried that he knew too much about her. Liv was much more of a private person, and at her dry response to him, his eyes lingered a little bit longer in question before he shifted his focus. At even the thought of it, she became painfully aware of the still healing, now much better, spot on the bridge of her nose.

"You did good." He said, staring at the screen, rubbing his fingers together as he focused. Liv stared at him while he didn't see her, trailing her eyes up and down the outline of his profile, taking too long of a moment to study his face. She looked back in time to see Morgan slam his fist down on the table. She wasn't sure if it had actually been good enough.


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn't often that they brought children back to their parents alive, and every time it did, the whole team took a long moment to bask in the feeling. They had wrapped up the case in Maryland with a happy ending, the girl being found and returned to her family, and upon their arrival back to the BAU, the team was in high enough spirits to not mind so much the paperwork that came after. Liv joined them in their relief and rather playful air as she plopped down into her chair, shuffling about her files to find her pen. Before she could get settled, however, she heard the door to Hotch's office open.

"Tate, I need you in here."

Liv looked up for a moment in confusion, before shaking it away and pushing herself up, walking past her peers like she knew what he could possibly need to discuss with her. She didn't, but the moment she walked in and saw Strauss sitting there as well, she knew she probably wasn't going to like it. 

"Ms." She nodded politely to Strauss, before looking back to Hotch for direction. He looked annoyed, like Strauss' presence alone put him in an off mood, and he nodded to Strauss to signal her to explain. 

The woman turned to Liv, who still stood, before saying, "I'm sure you've heard that the Pentagon is requesting the transfer of Agent Jareau, which is a very large promotion. At this point, the decision is final, and they want her starting there immediately."

"I don't understand, JJ is an essential part of this team." Liv's brow crinkled in confusion, looking to Hotch for answers.

"Yes, well, unfortunately the decision is not up to us." Hotch replied with a grim look on his face.

"Forgive me, but what does this have to do with me?"

"While Agent Hotchner refuses to give up all responsibilities of Agent Jareau's job, someone on the team will have to change their area of focus to accommodate the fact that she's leaving. Considering you worked well with communications and press on your last team, that person would be you."

Liv stared back at her, processing her words as thorough as she could. "I can't replace JJ."

Strauss folded her hands over her crossed legs, drawing a breath before she responded. "Agent Hotchner has expressed that he is more than happy to help manage, but I placed you on this team with the knowledge that there would be a role to fill in the future."

"I'm not a liaison." Liv stated. She could feel the annoyance growing inside her chest, and as much as she wanted to reserve herself for the sake of remaining professional, Strauss' no-nonsense look was making it very difficult to hide.

"Your job is whatever I tell you your job will be. This doesn't take you out of fieldwork, Agent Tate, but I made this decision fully expecting for you to step up."

"And I suppose I have no say in this?" Hotch's eyes shifted between the two women, remaining silent but as aware as ever. He could tell the way Liv's demeanor had changed, too. Her posture had straightened, she no longer held her hands behind her back, and her eyes were narrow.

"Well," Strauss shrugged and gave a theatrical say Hotch knew just fed Liv's displeasure. "I suppose if you cannot fulfill your roles for this team, I could request and internal transfer back to your old team, I'm sure they'd be glad to have you back."

Liv held back a scoff, heat rising through her body as she tried not to let it show. She was never a particular fan of people telling her what to do, but she was definitely not a fan of people making decisions for her behind her back. But to her, there was no choice to be made. She wouldn't leave this team, not now.

"And I'm sure it was in your best interest that you didn't inform me of this expectation until after I had been working with Agent Hotchners team for weeks?" She said bitterly, watching Strauss bite her tongue. Liv was sure she would've come up with some taunting, overly professional response to put her in her place had she had the chance, but Liv didn't give it to her. Instead, she didn't spare either of them another glance, and left, letting the door click shut behind her. 

She sunk back in her chair with a long drawn breath, feeling suddenly unmotivated to do any of her paperwork just out of rebellion. She knew she would still be in the field, but the field is where she wanted to be, as much as she could. For her, it was just the hands-on thing she needed to keep her occupied, to give her that unreplaceable feeling of saving those that no one else could save. She didn't want anyone meddling with that, or piling on distractions from her real work. She had come back to the BAU with a purpose, and that purpose was not to be Strauss' puppet.

"Bad news?" Morgan asked from his desk, spinning around to face her, bouncing his pen in his fingers. He was obviously avoiding his reports.

Liv sighed, a sarcastic laugh slipping past her lips. She looked back at Hotch's office door to make sure it had stayed shut. "I don't think I'm very fond of Strauss."

Morgan laughed at that, nodding his head before standing. "That, pretty girl, is something we can both agree on." He picked up her empty coffee cup from her desk. "Want me to refill you?"

"Please." She gave him a gentle smile. He retreated to the coffee machine, and Liv sunk more into the thought of what Strauss had just told her. An internal transfer was just her way of mocking Liv, knowing she would have no choice but to do as Strauss said. Liv had been on this team for weeks. And to be completely honest, she loved it. Even Morgan and her were getting along. At her old team, there was nothing for her but painful memories and looks of pity. She knew it, the second she stepped away from her work; that she would never be able to go back to that team without them questioning her every second, wondering if she could really handle it. Hotch's team was different, and no matter how pissed she could be at Strauss, she didn't want to give that up.

She sipped her coffee after Morgan put it down and tried to focus on her paper work. The fact alone that JJ was leaving was strange, she couldn't imagine how it felt for the rest of the team.

She filled out her case reports, the day being rather short since they had gotten back later in the afternoon from the case after spending the night in a hotel. Evening crept up on her before she knew it, and one by one each of her team members left to finally sleep in their own bed. 

With a sigh, Liv placed down one of her last case files in a neat stack on the edge of her desk. "Olivia." A voice said from behind her, most of the office having cleared out by then. If she hadn't been so acquainted with the voice, she would've wondered who could possibly be calling her by her first name.

"Hotch." She said as she turned. She sat in her chair, watching as he hesitated before leaning against the edge of her desk. Something about it seemed out of place, unusual for him, who was always so professional. 

He sighed before he started. "I know this isn't what you signed on for. As extreme as it sounds, I know Strauss would really transfer you to your old team if that is what you wanted-"

"Hotch." She interrupted, and surprisingly, he let her. "I'm not leaving this team."

He silently watched her. There were a million reasons she would never give this team up; she was trying to make a new home. She was trying to do what she knew she needed to be doing, saving people. She was trying to do right by Ben and right by her mother and right by herself. And despite every fiber of her being that was telling her it was betrayal, she was trying to do right by Hotch, for whatever reason that could be. She was trying to do right by the person that understood her pain and patched her up with hotel-first-aid-kits and leaned against her desk with such concern.

The corner of his mouth curled upwards on one side, and he gave a slow, concise nod. "Alright. We'll split the workload. I need you in the field as much as possible."

-

JJ was leaving for the Pentagon, and while Liv could feel the sadness the whole team carried considering, it was Penelope's idea to leave such things on a much happier note, because she couldn't bear to leave their ending so sad. For this, after a day full of paperwork and reports, Penelope had reserved a large table at an elaborate restaurant and demanding that everyone, including Liv, celebrate together one last time as a team before they parted ways with JJ. Considering that most of their lives revolved solely around work, Liv thought they were all pretty grateful for the opportunity to get out and enjoy themselves. 

Liv adjusted the strap of her dress as she climbed out of her car, the air seemingly the perfect temperature for an evening out. She smiled widely as she saw Penelope arriving at the same time. She especially enjoyed the spunky girls presence, considering it was exceedingly difficult to be sad or negative around her.

“Oh wow!” She said as Liv approached. “Remind me to take you out some time.”

“Be my guest now, I’m ready for a glass of wine.” Liv said back, the two starting towards the doors of the place. It was a nice restaurant, with an aura very much matching where you’d expect to go on a first date. Nice tablecloths, dimly lit lights, a bar lined with bottles of fancy looking champagnes.

Upon arrival was a very smiley, laid back Derek Morgan who had already ordered himself a drink, along with Emily, who was in dress that hung off her hips perfectly. Really, it was strange to see any of her teammates out of the workplace. It was almost like they had all forgotten their ability to look nice and have fun.

Liv sat down at the end of the table and ordered herself a drink, shortly afterwards Spencer and Rossi arriving. It didn’t take long before Derek and Spencer started bickering about something Spencer conveniently was very versed on, and the look on Dereks face said that he was just having fun. Liv talked to Penelope as she sipped on her fruity cocktail, listening to the run down of the latest on her and her boyfriend, Kevin. The small talk made her feel so normal, Liv was a little sad such things weren’t so warranted when at the BAU.

Liv looked over in time to see the blank stare on Emily’s face as she talked to Spencer, pausing before saying, “You know what? Forget I asked.”

“What, more Star Trek theories? Or the fraudulence of Sigmund Freud?” Liv asked Spencer with a laugh, taking a long sip of her drink before straightening herself. “Alright, let’s hear it.”

Spencer quickly jumped on the opportunity to rant and ramble to someone willing to listen, and while a lot of it went over Livs head, she was especially entertained by the twitchy excitement that showed on his face. He had her thrown in such a whirlwind of facts and rhetorical questions, Liv didn’t notice when Hotch arrived.

The opposite end of the table to Liv were where all of the empty seats were, and Liv was trying so hard to keep up with Spencer's ramble, she didn't even notice the way Hotch's eyes hung on her as he sat, waiting for her to notice his presence. 

Once everyone was finally there, however, Penelope stood up in a theatrical way to say a toast. She cleared her throat, looking like she was about to progress only into her normally comedic and witty way of speech. But this time, she was much more serious, and a little emotional. At the call for everyone's attention, Liv finally looked up, seeing Hotch sitting on the other end of the table. He immediately caught her gaze, like he was planning on glancing one way or another, and Liv couldn't help but take a moment to take him in before looking to Penelope. 

"Thank you, my lovely ladies and gentlemen, whom I all love very dearly, for meeting here tonight. We are all aware of the saddening fact that our very own JJ is getting transferred." Penelope said, getting a little misty at the thought. But she quickly drew a breath and shook it away. "I wanted us all here tonight, together as a family, to celebrate the funny ways that life works, and the people it brings together. You guys, there is no team I would rather have, and I am so, so grateful for you all."

On que that Penelope was still having a bit of a hard time parting with her friend, Morgan instead tipped his glass upwards before saying with a smile, "To JJ."

They all chimed in happily, wasting no time to intentionally revert back to their optimistic chatter and laughter. Liv sipped her drink and listened to a story Rossi told about one of his three ex wives, which she found quite entertaining. Her and the rest of the table, as Rossi was very clearly a paternal figure to the group. That was one of the reasons Liv was quite comfortable on their team; everybody had their role. And if any of them were taken, their was no arguing the inevitable void it would leave in their place. At the thought of it, Liv looked up at JJ, sitting further down the table. Rossi was explaining the beauty of the process of making authentic Italian pasta, which left Liv with the ability to ponder in silence at the reality. JJ leaving was one thing, but being prompted to fill in any place she had with them now? It felt like a job too big. No one could do it like JJ, and they were all aware of that. She was harshly reminded of the disliking she had for Strauss, who had been the one to put her in such an unfortunate position. 

In a thoughtless manner, she took another, long sip of her drink, starting to feel a little like she needed it. Could she complain, though? More work was exactly what she needed to stay away from home. Really, she should be grateful. When she really thought about it for what it was, she realized Hotch would be doing the same. Something about that lightened it for her, and without even thinking, her lips curled up at the thought. He was always there, wasn't he?

Her hand, like it did best, pulled at the chain around her neck. This was the part that she should feel guilty for even the thought of enjoying Hotch's presence. She wasn't sure if it was the wine, or a rare moment of peace, but when she looked across the table at him, actually laughing to something that had been said, she didn't feel guilty at all. She was sure the self-loathing would come later, it always did, but for a moment, she let it be.

"Tate, give me a hand at the bar, I'm gonna grab some more drinks for everyone." Derek called out to her suddenly. He was sitting beside her towards one end of the table, and while she thought the specification was quite strange, she didn't hesitate on standing up. At the scraping of her chair, Hotch's eyes flickered to her mid conversation with someone else, analyzing her movements before turning back. She pretended she didn't notice.

She walked with Derek to the bar, ready to be of assistance, but as they clung to it, waiting for their orders to be ready, he turned to her with much intention. "Something happen with you and Strauss?"

Liv looked back at him, wondering if there was even a point in dodging the question. "She wants me to help step up in JJ's place. I told her no, but it's either that or go back to my old team."

Derek hesitated for a second before offering a slightly charismatic, "Are you saying you're sticking around with us, pretty girl, or do you have other places to be?"

Liv looked at him with a blank face, but it was only a matter of seconds before she couldn't help the playful smile curling her lips. "You know, Derek, If you have a thing for me, you could just say so." She jabbed jokingly. 

Derek shook his head quickly, not even trying to contain the laugh bubbling within him. "To tell you the truth, Liv, I don't think it's me who has a thing for you at all."

The bartender set their drinks on the counter in front of them, and Derek starting picking them up until Liv stopped him by a hand on his arm. "What do you mean by that?"

Liv hated that look people got, when they knew something she didn't. It was a look of mischief, and Derek was wearing one now, yet at even the suggestion of it, Liv's curiosity overrode any sense of pride she had left. "I don't know about you, baby girl, but I've been watching Hotch stare you down ever since he got here. I just find it interesting. " He gave a final smirk before walking away, greeting everyone at the table with more drinks and leaving Liv to bring the rest. Only, Liv felt for a moment that she couldn't move. Because for the first time there was the possibility that it wasn't just in her head, it wasn't just her loneliness. It was palpable, and something other people could see, and in the moment that made it a suffocating realization, but also one that made her cheeks flush and her heart race uncontrollably. No, she was guilty, if it was real. But still, if it were, then it truly was real. Was there happiness beyond what she knew, or had she already seen the top of the mountain?

She found her way back to the table, handing out drinks to people before sinking in her seat, pondering the possibility that she may never muster the courage to rise from it again. She kept her eyes down, because she didn't want to see Derek's smug looks, or Emily trying to catch on, or if any of it were even true, see Hotch's glances. She couldn't do it, she really couldn't. So she studied her silverware, and laughed when everybody else did, and pretended she were just an ornament to the rest of the group. 

Truly, it was a fun dinner, and she was glad that they had gotten to do something for JJ. Yet still, beneath it all, her brain was absolutely fogged at Morgan's comment, and it was the best she could do to keep to simple conversation and laugh on que.

By the end, after Rossi had already called it a night, and a few of her other team members looked like they were getting ready to do the same, Liv finally announced with a feigned apology, " I think I'm gonna have to call it a night, guys."

Everyone nodded in agreement, chiming in that they were dawning on the same conclusion. Except when Liv rose to get out of her chair, the only person that joined her in standing was Hotch. Liv refused to look anywhere in Dereks direction, knowing full and well that he was would have a smug, knowingly look curling at his lips and tugging his eyebrows upwards. 

Instead, Liv merely ignored it all, waved goodbye to everyone, and quickly zigzagged through the restaurant to the front door. 

She took in a large gulp of the air outside, it feeling more refreshing now that the sounds of chatter and laughter were finally fading away behind her. She was about to start towards her car behind she heard the door behind swing open again at the exist of another body. 

"Tate." 

She stopped at it's deep tone, feeling it send a cold chill down her back. Did it make her nervous? How could it make her feel so cold, and so warm all at the same time?

"Hotch." She said as she turned to face him. He looked well put together for the dinner, but something about the way his expression sat told her that he had plenty of others plaguing his mind. What they were, she had no idea. Maybe it was best that she didn't, because at the moment, she was stubborn on ignoring the truth.

"I just wanted to tell you... Well, I felt the need to thank you for your loyalty to this team. I know things haven't exactly played out how you expected them to, but your dedication to stay, well... It tells me that you were a great fit. I think I can speak for all of the team when I say that." 

"Thanks, Hotch." At his words, she didn't try to hide the genuine smile that graced her lips, no matter how much she was questioning the true reason behind them. "You don't need to thank me, though. It's not a problem."

"Truthfully, I wasn't sure about assigning another member to our team when Strauss told me. But, uh... I'm very glad we did."

Liv stared back at him, and she really wished she hadn't. Because if she hadn't, she would've missed the way he stared back at her. She would've never seen his strong gaze faltering to be able to flicker down to the rest of her, like he just couldn't help himself. She would have never felt so frozen and in a whirl of feeling, she was unsure if she could even focus long enough to drive home. 

"It's a pleasure to be here." She nodded kindly, wishing with all of her strength that he couldn't see the look in her eye that told him she never wanted to look away again. "I should, uh... I should get going. I'll see you on Monday."

He gave a nod, before a look that kept her in her spot a little longer. "Drive safe, Liv."

She tried to remember he said that, because her mind was everywhere in the world besides behind the wheel.


	9. Chapter 9

Liv rolled over, being blinded by the morning sun. Days off of work were few and far between, and Liv woke a little confused, as if her body was so against her ever getting rest.

The AC vent above the window was responsible for her swaying curtains, shielding the sun tauntingly before letting it spill through again. While she knew she should get up, she was far too comfortable under the plush of her bedding to try to shoo the rays away. Instead she let them sway, watching the way squiggles of light danced across the white of her sheets beside her.

She fell asleep every night on the left side of the bed, just like she always had. She was surprised to think that her body even allowed her to somehow roll towards the middle every night in her sleep. It had been a long time since she didn't leave room for one more. 

She found question in the silence, listening to only the chirping of birds outside her window. She remembered the way the light through that window danced across his red hair, firey ginger locks of ember igniting with every catch of golden warmth.

Ben used to be the hardest to wake, and the only thing that would do it was a mug of coffee right under his nose. Liv used to loathe the time every morning that she couldn't stay until he stirred, just for the sake of bearing witness to the upmost act of peace.

And here she was now, waking up on only a schedule of her own and rolling over to the right side of the bed, because the coolness of the untouched sheets was so refreshing. Sometimes it felt like another lifetime when things were so different, sometimes it felt like just yesterday. 

Had it not been for a standing appointment with Sydney, Liv was unsure she would've gotten out of bed at all. When she dragged herself out the door, she thought longingly of its satin covers.

"Glad to see you, Liv. You've been holding up okay?"

Liv sunk into the cushion of the couch, giving a half hearted yes, before saying, "Just been busy at work."

"And that's all going well? The long days aren't straining you too much?"

"I think it's been good for me, actually. It keeps me moving forward."

"Well you do seem to be moving forward." Sydney nodded with heavy agreement. "I'm going to be honest Liv, I'm very impressed you've taken such a big step as this."

Liv furrowed her brow, hesitating for a moment in silence before questioning her. "I'm sorry, what do you mean?"

Sydney naively said like she was proud, "You took off your necklace, with your wedding ring on it."

Liv's stomach sunk to her toes, and her hand flew up to grab at her neck before she could even think. But her neck was bare, and there was no chain adorning it, let alone a ring. "No, I didn't." She spoke weakly, staring at the floor as her mind ran a million places at once. She tried to remember the last time she had felt the cold metal in her hands; the last time she had twirled her fingers around it thoughtlessly. She couldn't remember. 

"What?" Sydney responded to her mumbling. In response, Liv did not repeat herself, only stand suddenly. 

"I have to go."

She ignored her therapists calls after her as she fled the room, letting the door click behind her to silence her. She didn't know where to begin; she couldn't think of one thing longer than a split second. Her mind was running relays, constantly passing off one thing to another, and when she climbed in her car, she thought little of where she was going. Her mind was not steering, just the vessel of a panicked woman that was hitting the gas too hard and the brakes just as abruptly. 

Even in chaos, however, her mind was sensible enough in where to begin her frantic search. She pulled up to the BAU, tripping over herself in trying to get through the door. It was where she spent all of her time, anyways.

She swung open the glass door leading to the bullpen with much force, cursing the door for being so heavy. Morgan walked out of the small break space where the coffee machine was to see her tearing apart her desk, not even aware of anything else around her. He looked at her in confusion, before settling on interrupting her. 

"Liv?"

She looked up wildly, a pained expression on her face he had never bore witness to before. "What are you doing here?" She asked. She straightened herself up, smoothing over her shirt in attempts to look much more calm and collected. He could tell by the coldness in her tone she was overcompensating for the emotion that should've been lacing it.

"I came in to do some paperwork for Hotch, Jack had a soccer game today." Morgan said, lifting a brow at her. "And I'm pretty sure you had the day off."

"Uh, yeah." She said, trying to shift files back into a neat stack, like the mess was never intended. "I just misplaced something, I wanted to see if I had left it here."

The biggest problem with working with profilers, is that no matter the boundaries they set, they always profiled each other. It wasn't intentional. Half the time they didn't even realize they were doing it. But they had grown so accustomed to using that practice of theirs to better understand the world around them, it was like their mind left them with no choice.

"Well, maybe I've seen it, what'd you lose?"

Liv stared back at him with wide eyes, her stance completely still has she tried to put words together. "My necklace." She mumbled, her voice faltering in her hesitation. 

"What?" Morgan asked, walking a little closer.

"I, uh-" Liv struggled. "Ben. I lost Ben."

Morgan stared back at her for a moment, it taking a few seconds for the pieces to fall together, before his eyes flashed down to her neck. They looked back up at her in concern and understanding, realizing only then what could've been so important, it sent Olivia Tate into a frenzy.

At the shift in his expression, Liv couldn't help it. A single, loud laugh escaped her before she clapped her hand over her mouth, knowing how unfunny all of it was. With her hands over hers lips, speaking it into existence is what set her off. 

Morgan looked slightly panicked at what to do with the woman before him, eyes brimming, something he never expected to see from her. He quickly snapped to, setting down his fresh cup of coffee and letting out a very calm, "Okay. Okay. Why don't I help you look?"

The two spent the next hour pulling apart, and putting back together the bullpen in attempts to find the token of Liv's marriage. Only, it was still nowhere to be found, and Liv come out of the hunt even more frustrated than she had been before. In the time of looking, it seemed as if her brain had slowly processed all of her anxiety and grief, and spat it back out in the form of boiling rage. 

She slammed a desk drawer of hers she had already looked in at least three times, letting out a heavy huff of anger. "God damn it." Morgan looked up from an area of floor his eyes were looking over. "Just forget it, Morgan. I probably left it on the other side of the country."

"Alright babygirl lets just try to calm down-"

"I am calm!" She snapped, quickly settling on resting her head in her hands as she tangled her hands through her hair, pushing it out of her face angrily. Her eyes fell shut as she let out a long breath. It was about that time where her body ached and she started dreaming longingly of her bed again.

Silence ensued between the two as she did so, before Morgan spoke suddenly. "Alright, let's go."

"Go?" Liv twisted her face in confusion at him, not arguing as he lightly tugged at her arm. "The hell are you talking about?"

"Will you just trust me?" He hurried her out the door.

-

With only a few people scattered inside, Liv walked in behind Morgan, being hit with the smell of sweat and the memory of gym class. The room echoed with the sound of gloves on punching bags, and the clanking of weights.

Morgan looked back at her, when he deadpanned in response before saying, "I'm in jeans."

"Do your arms still work?" He asked with a smirk, walking over to a punching bag. She followed with a sigh, watching him move around the place like he was more than comfortable in it. Liv merely glanced around at the few other people there, watching as they poured all their energy into what they were doing. She got the idea on Morgans part, but she didn't think she had that much energy to give.

"Hands." Morgan told her, and she obliged as she studied the place in curiosity. She had been adamant on exercise when she had been in the academy, and even a few years after that too keep up with her fieldwork. It wasn't until the past two that she had let the habit go. Now the place felt foreign.

Liv looked down to see Morgan wrapping her hands and knuckles, finishing only to motion over to the punching bag. "Go ahead."

"What?" Liv questioned back. She was in jeans and a t-shirt, not really the most appropriate gym attire.

"This is what I always do when I've got a lot on my mind. Just try it."

Liv opened her mouth to speak, but in anticipation of her retort, Morgan cut her off. "Yeah, yeah, I know, you're calm. Just punch the bag, Liv."

She gave him a short glare before stepping up to it, squaring out her hips before throwing her first punch. Morgan shook his head. "I know you're angrier than that, Tate."

"Angry about what exactly, Derek?" She snapped. He just raised his eyebrows in response, like she had just answered her own question. She looked back at the punching bag, now just feeling annoyed that anyone knew how she was feeling at all.

But did they actually? Wasn't it just an unfamiliar emotion they put a name to without being able to comprehend what it carried? Grief. What stupid word, she thought. It wasn't wrecking enough. It couldn't sum up the hollowness, the guilt, the way she was so helpless. They were all so helpless. They were all just going about their lives completely unaware of the fragility of them.

Liv landed a hard punch on the bag just for the hell of it. Even someone like her, who had dedicated her career, the rest of her life, to saving those who couldn't save themselves. Even someone like her couldn't stop the tide from rushing out. She could only do so much before, just like everyone else, she had to face the truth that none of them could control anything.

God, that was enraging. How was anything enough at the end of the day? Were they not just all bidding there time before the inevitable sprung upon them; uprooted their entire lives and made them start again with whatever little time they had left?

"Focus on the bag."

She could focus whatever physical blow to it's surface, but her mind was elsewhere. None of this was her plan. She wasn't supposed to be here, she was supposed to be in a different life. This one sprung on her out of nowhere and forced her to endure the changes it brought. There was absolutely no certainty in anything. Even her life now, wasn't she an idiot to believe any of it would stay? What was the point in growing fonder of it by the minute?

Sweat gathered on her forehead, but her mind was on a train now, and she couldn't help but ask herself all the foolish questions that had been building up inside her. All of the wonders, the worries. 

She hated herself for wanting to move on. She hated herself for not being able too. She didn't want to remain stagnant, but nothing else seemed real. 

But life was moving forward, as much as it terrified her. The only memory of what it's lost was with the person she paid to listen to her, and her weekly Sunday evening phone calls she still got from Ben's mother. She hated to admit it, but she was moving forward. She was working, keeping the house she had grown to loathe too long ago. She was growing fonder of people she knew nothing of before. She was starting to care.

Why did it feel so bad? More so, why did it feel so wrong? If she knew anything about her husband, it was that he would be massaging his temples in attempts to dampen his annoyance, speaking in that voice of his that got far too calm and concise, she always knew it meant he was angry. He'd be telling her to get over herself, in his sarcastic, Ben kind-of-way. She could hear his voice, asking her tauntingly, "Are you really gonna hold on to a dead guy forever?"

"Maybe." She would snap back. It was then that his face would soften in understanding, and her shoulders would relax at the sight. It was then that he would step closer to her, run his hand down her arm, hold her the second she fell into his, and tell her it would all be okay.

Liv's fists pounded against the swinging bag, waiting no time to recover before landing the next one. She imagined it was the world. She imagined it was Sydney, for thinking she could help. Or Ben, for leaving her all alone. Derek, for seeing her fall apart. Hotch, for making her even contemplate what a different future would look like. She imagined it was herself, like she could destroy the image completely.

She wasn't sure what had done it; if it was wearing her body out, or the way she was crying now, but her body sunk to the padded floor of the gym in surrender of the feeling. She was gasping for air from her fatigue, no, it was her sobs-- she didn't know. 

Morgan was at her side when she hit the floor, and he let her go limp in all kinds of exhaustion. He didn't question, only held as she cried, feeling months worth of aching, and wondering silently to herself if she would ever allow herself to make it stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited for the development of grief in this chapter. Oh, what a process that is. Along with that, I'm super excited for what else is about to evolve in this story. Before anything else I love laying the ground work for some sort of emotional connection, but trust me, from this chapter forward I'm about to have my fun with the SEXUAL TENSION. It's the best. Tell me your thoughts below:)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone help I literally can't stop writing

_Liv could feel the warmth of a hand on her face, a feeling she had almost forgotten. It was a comfort she could no longer afford; a luxury not meant for her to enjoy. But she could find herself reminding her own of what she was missing in the silence of the dark, when peace had overtaken her eyes and there was nothing else to do but imagine._

_She nearly melted at it's touch, being held sparking such a foreign feeling. It was then she allowed herself to think about how much she missed it. Not just that, but the soft kisses trailing down her neck, the fingers grabbing at her hips to stifle any space left between. The soft, low hum of contentment coming from another pair of lips, one that seemed to be aching for more of her._

_The pad of their thumb trailed from her chin down her neck, and she couldn't stop herself from basking in the feeling of fiery heat, the feeling like every moment had led up to that very encounter. Lips tugged at her ear, before finding enjoyment in the strait of her jawline. It was perfect; it was all so perfect, felt so natural, so right. If she hadn't been so adamant on denying herself the pleasures of a new love, she would've wondered who could ever make her feel this way._

_Large, rough hands captured the back of her head, pulling her closer in a tangle of hair to plant a deep, lengthy kiss on her lips, demanding all of her attention with the way that it craved her. Once, finally letting go, Liv was left only breathless._

_"Aaron..."_

She woke up to the sound of her phone ringing, not even giving her the chance to ponder what the hell her mind had just shown her. "This is Tate." She answered, her voice scratchy from sleep and surprise.

"Rise and shine my queen, long night?" Garcia mused from the other side of the line with a smile Liv could hear. "You'll have to tell me who he is."

" _Garcia."_ Liv heard Hotch's voice chime in, obviously telling her to get to the point.

_Please tell me this isn't happening._

"Right, we have a case and we need everyone in the briefing room as soon as possible."

Liv rubbed her eyes in panic before throwing her sheets off of her, her feet landing her on the cold floor and in a flurry. "Yeah, right, I'll be there soon."

She threw a sweater over herself, frantically smoothing her hair over, only stopping for a moment to catch a glimpse of her reflection. Frankly, she looked crazy. She shook every thought of her sleep from her mind, before throwing her things together and slipping out of the door.

"The cool thing about Halloween is that it's a uniquely American holiday. I mean despite it's obvious origins in the Celtic festival of Samhain and the Christian All Saints Day, it really is a melting pot of various immigrants traditions and beliefs." Reid rambled as he walked along side Liv to the briefing room. She sighed tiredly, though it wasn't from his talking rather, her little gym session with Morgan the other day wore her out good. He was right though; it did help. Especially when her precious possession never turned up after turning her house upside down. That and she never had the chance to fully wake up, but at that point in the morning, she had already forbade herself from pondering on it.

"It became a little more commercialized in the 1950's with trick-or-treat, and today it rivals only Christmas in terms of popularity."

"That's because only insane people hate Christmas." Liv sunk into her seat. The rest of her team sat at the table already, the only one missing being Hotch. After a short chance to have a day off, they were quickly called back in for another case. Morgan glanced over to Liv in wonder, probably trying to survey how she was doing. It was only because it was concern rather than pity that she gave him an affirming nod.

"We're going to Detroit." Hotch told them as he walked in, everyone already having their case files. Reid, who had not yet glanced at it in curiosity, quickly complained.

"Wha- it's Halloween weekend."

"Arson investigators have noticed a three year trend in the days leading up to Halloween" Hotch continued, looking around to each of them. When he circled around to Liv, she dropped her eyes immediately without a thought, like she hadn't realized that no one else was aware of her mind but her.

"Devils night." Reid named once he snapped into it.

"This unsub is doing it only these three days out of the year."

"How is he doing it?" Rossi asked, the gruesome pictures appearing on the screen and answering him before Hotch could.

"He's burning his victims alive." Liv held back a grimace at the sight of the bodies, now charred and unrecognizable. 

"He's dormant during the rest of the year?" Liv questioned. Hotch nodded at her in response. "Arsonists don't typically target people."

Morgan nodded in agreement, twirling his pen around his fingers. "Fire is simply his weapon."

"And we've got 48 hours until he disappears again. Wheels up in 20."

-

Liv sunk further into the window seat of the jet, watching the ground grow smaller and smaller below them. She carefully watched the building of the BAU until it disappeared behind the clouds, as tiny and insignificant as the rest of the skyline. Watching it always made her think.

"Tate." Morgan nudged from the seat beside her, pulling back her attention to the group. They were going over the case details and she hadn't even realized she had stopped listening. She looked back up to see all her team members watching her, including Hotch, who stared at her intently. 

"It gives him power and control." Hotch continued to the rest of the group, though his gaze had yet to tear away from her. Out of annoyance or concern, she didn't know. Considering Liv was far more direct than most people preferred, she had no idea why suddenly the thought of his eyes on her sent her into a nervous flush.

"The top of the who-dun-it list is first responders." Morgan said, earning a chorus of agreement. Liv turned to the rest of her team in hopes of forcing herself to tune in.

"Civil servants with a hero complex." Reid added, nodding along.

Prentiss shook her head as she looked over the crime scene photos. "This guy is angry."

"Aren't they all?" Rossi mused.

Setting them down on the table in front of them, Liv got just another look at the horrible remains that left these victims completely unidentifiable at first. "Not like this."

Detroit P.D. was bustling with moving officers and ringing phone lines. The chief of the Arson investigators really meant it when he told them that Devils Week was their busiest time of year, and it was even more unbelievable when they were told the number of fires set had dropped by the hundreds over the past couple of years. "We're stretched as it is, but we've set up a joint task force with the Detroit P.D. I'd tell you not to profile me, but I guess you're in a room full of suspects."

"A city full." Hotch corrected. "We've got two agents on the way to last nights crime scene. We'll head to the morgue." He motioned to Rossi standing right beside him. He turned to Liv. "Tate, I need you to run point from here. Start putting together the board and manage communications with the media. They can't get too many details or else we may have copycats appear."

Liv nodded, grabbing the files and preparing to start pinning all the information they had to the case board. She was thankful to have a room to herself with some peace and quiet; the opportunity to analyze what they had as deeply as she could before the chaos of everyone else chiming in ensued. Maybe then she could afford to give her mind a break from everything else that was on it. "Hey, get yourself some coffee, these will be a long next few days." He said quietly to her in passing, like he was concerned that she wouldn't. She gave a quick nod, not acknowledging the care that came with his statement. Coffee or not, she needed to focus. 

Every case was time sensitive, lives depending on how long it took for them to put together the pieces. But ones like these were even more difficult, knowing if they took even a day too long to figure it out, the case would go cold for another whole year.

Liv was indeed, two cups of coffee in when they all regrouped, staring at her work on the board in thought.

"He's had interactions with all of his victims, some more personal than others." Hotch told the questioning Chief.

"So he's acting out of revenge. Last nights victim didn't even speak to him." He argued in return.

"Maybe not that night, but at some time in the past." The voice of Prentiss was softer in attempts of reasoning, and Liv saw Hotch shift in the corner of her eye, rubbing his thumb and index finger together repeatedly, no doubt in thought but also to keep his patience.

"Now, wait a minute. All the victims were abducted from their partners." Morgan pointed out, and Liv flinched at the fact. Having your loved one there one moment and gone the next, no goodbye able to be had; she didn't have to wonder what that was like. She wondered how Hotch hid the same thought so well.

"You think the couples represent a happiness he covets?"

"Or something he lost." Morgan suggested. "Like a young guy with a deformity."

"Do you know how rare it is for an arsonist to be a burn victim?" The Chief asked in disbelief. 

"Less than 3.5 percent." The fact was quick to slip from Reid's lips.

"He's not an arsonist." Liv corrected the Chief "He chose fire in a form of aggression. Morgan's right; the kind of anger and loathing he's expressing in his victimology could easily be linked to the rage that comes with losing a love, or even a part of yourself. The fire could just be symbolism for how it's destruction ruined his life as well." 

"We should look at accidents where couples were burned." Hotch agreed.

"That'll be hundreds."

"We'll be focusing on ones where gasoline was the accelerant."

"Someone else has just been abducted." A deputy burst through the doorway.

Hotch's brow furrowed in concentration like it often did. "How far is the Rivertown district from the abduction site?"

"About 40 minutes, hes probably already in the area." The Chief was quick to answer.

"Tate, have Detroit P.D. set up roadblocks." Hotch nodded to her. She jumped on doing so quickly, also preparing to split up with the team to hurry to different locations.

-

Liv held on as the SUV she was in sped along the streets. They knew his secondary location, and his identity, but there was no knowing whether or not they would be in time. For all they knew, the victim was the only one left, and he was long gone. The worst thing about that possibility was if the unsub had already moved on, he was hunting down his surrogate for all of these murders. He was devolving quickly, and this was the year he was going to become so unstable, he had to finish it.

Her stomach sank as the SUV pulled up to the old abandoned building, seeing nothing but smoke bellowing out the windows. They each climbed out of the vehicles, most of them sighing in frustration. There was no sign of the unsubs' vehicle, let alone him himself. All they were left with was a burning building, no lead on where he was going, and another dead victim.

_Dead._

How did they know? How could they be sure it was too late? Flames were blazing, but the building had yet to be fully swallowed by them. Liv took her hand off her gun. The only enemy in this situation couldn't be tamed with a bullet.

She heard the rest of her team talking quickly, throwing out clues and ideas as to where he could possibly be headed now, before he killed anyone else.

_What if he isn't dead yet... What if we are sitting here watching this victim burn as we talk. What if I can save him?_

Liv's mind was racing, she was trying to tame it with reason, but she couldn't. No matter the heat she felt from the old wood of the structure, nor the flames she saw growing wilder, she couldn't help but be overcome by the sensation that she was doing nothing at all. She was doing nothing at all, yet again, while someone was dying. Dying right before her, and what was she doing? Standing there? Proposing theories?

No, they had taken an oath to do everything they could, and this did not feel like everything.

Her feet moved quicker than her mind.

"Olivia!" His, of course it was his, was the first voice to break through the group. If others called, she wasn't sure. In fact, it felt like he was the only one she could hear anymore. That didn't stop her. Because all she could think about was the possibility she could save him in time, and all she could see was Ben. It was her wedding ring that still hadn't turned up; It was love and it was pain and it was everything she couldn't get past.

It was the haunting thought in her mind that none of it mattered anyways. It was the reminder that everything was temporary, and nothing was promised, and therefore everything was assigned the same value. Was this burning man's life not worth just as much as hers? Who was more deserving? Who wanted it more?

_Heat._

God it was hot. Flames licked at her ankles and she became painfully aware how horrible it must be to meet your end this way. She moved forward though, through door frames to the main, open floor of the old factory building. Everything was swallowed by red and white, hungry flames,

"Christopher!" Liv called the victims name into a fire, grasping onto the fading hope there would be a response. There was no answer, and she recklessly waded further into the room, dodging patches of catching debris and foundation beams that served as a beacon for the destruction. "Christopher!"

She felt the heat rush up her left arm, wincing in pain before pulling away as far as she could, searching frantically into the chaos. He had to be there somewhere.

But she would never know, because before her eyes could land on any proof of a living body, a strong arm hooked around her own and forced her backwards, leading her out of all of the progress she had made towards the buildings center, where she was sure the victim was aching for help.

Fighting against it was no use either, as it easily overpowered her, and didn't give up until the building was yards and yards away.

"Tate, what the hell were you thinking? Those were not my orders!" Hotch's face was strained in frustration, a layer of sweat collecting on is forehead from the heat of pulling her back. His eyes wildly ran across her, half looking for affirmation that she was okay, half also looking for any indicator as to what made her think that was a wise idea.

Liv was hot from the flames and from anger, feeling like the only chance she had at making this worth it had been ripped from her hands, not even any closure as to whether she would've been in time. "He's burning alive in there, I could've saved him!"

"It was too late." He said coldly. Her eyes searched frantically around him, to every part of the building she could see as if she was still searching for something. In response, he grabbed her upper arms, begging for her attention as he tried to instill how thoughtless she was being; how jeopardizing of herself.

"How do you know that?!" She broke free from his arms in anger, feeling like every piece of closure before her had been stolen. He only stared back at her, eyes full of loathing for risking herself; relief that she was okay; desperation for her to see it from his perspective. How, how in the world could he possibly make her understand that having her sacrifice herself like that wasn't an option? How could he tell her that all of his rage came from desperation?

And now she was breaking away from him, looking at him with that expression he had seen before. He had seen it on Haley, when he could never sacrifice work enough to please her.

"Hotch-" Morgan broke into the conversation, glancing between the two as they stared at each other in disbelief. "-we think we know where he's going next."

Hotch composed himself, giving him a nod before starting towards the cars, barely giving Liv a moment to pivot herself before turning back and saying harshly, " _Olivia."_

Something about his tone was sobering, like she was being brought full force to reality. Before she could open her lips, he continued. "Back to the station. You're not coming with us."

"Excuse me?" She snapped in disbelief, watching the rest of her team prepare to leave. They had no time to waste, and it was for that reason that Hotch was so blunt; far more cruel than he wanted to be.

"You're off this case." He turned to stalk away. Her face hardened is anger, no words finding her quicker than a simple call.

_"Agent Hotchner."_

To her surprise, he hesitated, only before forcing himself to move towards the SUV the rest of the team gathered in, forcing her to be left behind with no idea how the case was to end until it was all said and done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It hasn't happened with this story yet, but with writing I've posted on different platforms, I've noticed that the more I focus on character development rather than development of the romance, people find the main character more annoying. Like, having a main character that experiences real emotions aside from love is irritating. This is my disclaimer that I am a lover of love, and a lover of fanfiction, but first and foremost I am always a writer first. Liv is an extension of myself, and as a hopeless romantic, I can account that trauma does not take from that:) I don't know why in so many other stories or platforms that I post I've gotten comments like that? Just be like me and go to therapy lol


	11. Chapter 11

Liv did not acknowledge Hotch unless she absolutely had to, in which case she forced herself to maintain the most polished and empty professionalism possible.

This was a fact that, while it escaped most of the team, did not escape Morgan. "You should probably talk to him."

"Why? The case is over." Liv didn't bother to look up from her book. They were on the jet ride home, and ever since Liv had been rendered useless to the case, she was actually looking forward to being back.

Morgan rolled his eyes at her, lacking the tolerance most of the team had for her Liv-like manner. "Because ever since you shut him out, he's been unbearably unpleasant."

"He's our boss, he's not supposed to be a walk in the park."

Morgan reached across the space between their seats that faced each other, snatching her book out of her hands. She looked at him with a bored expression, giving him just about as much to work with that she did to Hotch. " _Liv_."

"He kicked me off the case." She said quietly, even though Hotch was at the opposite end of the jet.

"As he should've." Morgan responded, earning no grace from her.

"You suck."

He let out a light laugh at that, shaking his head before looking back at her. "C'mon pretty girl, you know you shouldn't of-"

"You can spare me the lecture, Derek." She interrupted.

"Would you just listen to me?" He shot back, taking her silence as a cue to continue. "There are protocols for this type of thing, and we can only risk so much before we cross that line. Trust me, I'm the king of it."

Liv let out a breath before saying softly, "I know I broke the rules."

"That's the thing." Morgan continued with intention, obviously aching to set her mind straight. "You shouldn't of gone in there, Liv. But he shouldn't of gone after you, either. And he knew that."

Liv contemplated the validity of his words in silence, slightly rocked by the seriousness of his expression. She couldn't find the words to say, and she didn't need to, because Morgan was already rising from his seat. "You should talk to him."

And she pondered doing so for the rest of the flight.

When they made it back to the BAU, everyone groaned in relief at the chance to be able to sleep in their own beds. Liv couldn't deny the fact she was a little grateful for the chance too. Most of them were out of there immediately, considering it was already evening and they had been working around the clock for the past two days. She wasn't far behind them, hesitating as she watched Hotch sink down into his chair through his office window. Why he wasn't going home like the rest of them; she didn't know, but as each body slipped out the door, she gave more merit to Morgan's words. Whatever they were supposed to mean.

She hesitated outside the door of his office. Was Morgan implying what she thought he was implying? And if so, was it true?

She knocked her hand against the door frame before stepping in, tearing his attention away from the files and papers in front of him. He had a pen in hand, but once his eyes landed on her, he immediately set it down.

"Hey..." She started, walking in slowly. She hadn't thought about what she would say. All she knew was that Morgan may have been right, and if so, she couldn't just leave.

"Hi."

Her hands fumbled for her necklace before realizing it wasn't there, falling limply at her sides. "I came to... apologize. For doing something stupid; I shouldn't have." She said, before hesitating. "But I would do it again."

"I know." He said, watching her with an expression that now lacked any rage at all. She sighed at his sudden empathy, mulling over the words in her head before deciding to be honest.

"How do you ever get over, not being able to save them?"

He drew in a thoughtful breath, not taking even a second to look away from her, but instead kept his eyes still, intently, like he needed her to know he was all there. "Sometimes you don't."

Liv's stomach sunk a little at his words, even though she knew they were the answer all along. A part of her feared she would never be able to accept that. 

"We do this job to save as many people as we can, but I don't want that to be at the expense of yourself."

"Why not?" She immediately questioned in return. Was that not part of the job? Wasn't every case a risk for themselves?

"You are someone we can't afford to lose."

She stared at him. Liv thought about the way he pulled her out of that building when she refused to do it herself. She thought about the memory of Ben's figure begging her to let herself be loved again. She thought much of Morgan holding her while she collapsed, knowing without fail that she had no say in any of this. Liv tricked herself into believing she was refusing anything, when really, she already cared. She cared much more than she realized. And for that, she thought about her dream from a few nights prior to. She mulled over the feeling of being held once again. She couldn't help but hate herself for how she cherished the idea. No matter the loathing it sparked, this time, she didn't try to expel it from her mind. This time, she let it exist.

"I think that's selfish."

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards before falling flat again. "Perhaps it is."

Liv felt like she was approaching a crossroads. She wanted to ask a million questions. Why did he care so much? Why did she? Why was he looking at her like that when he spoke? Why was she dreaming of his touch, only to replay it in her mind ten times over?

"Hotch-" She started.

Words hits the back of her teeth at a speed she couldn't process, and while she felt like she wanted to say everything, she couldn't settle on anything. Instead she looked blankly at him, cheeks flushing hot as she felt like a speechless idiot. What was she doing?

"Nevermind." She was quick to say. Hotch's mouth opened like he was prepared to interject, but she didn't give him the chance. Instead, she looked anywhere but at him, spun on her heel, and got herself the hell out of that room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derek Morgan, the king of truth, strikes yet again. The next chapter is going to show a little bit of a lighter, more playful side to Liv and Hotch's dynamic, and I'm having too much fun writing it. Smiley Hotch makes me :)))))


	12. Chapter 12

"Okay, _no_ , I swear my life on it, _Roadhouse_ Patrick Swayze could beat _Dirty Dancing_ Patrick Swayze in a fight anyday." Liv said loudly. She did so when she had had a couple drinks, and were around the right kinds of people. That night, it was Emily and Derek, who, in Liv's opinion, made some of the best company. They had had a work day full of paperwork and case reports, and once that had reached its end, they all exchanged a familiar look that told them they all needed a drink. That's how they landed in a bar not far from the BAU. The place was beaten down and old school- in a way Liv appreciated. They were cracking open bar peanuts and laughing as loud as they wanted to as they talked. Liv's favorite stories were the ones that came from Emily, who had lived far more than Liv felt like she had. 

"Okay, okay, I concede." Emily laughed, cracking open another peanut. 

"You guys want another drink?" Liv asked with an empty glass.

"You lush!" Emily teased, though the look on her face said yes. Derek held up an empty glass with a muttered, "Keep 'em coming baby."

Liv laughed and waited a moment before the server passed, asking for another round for everybody. It seemed like it hadn't been since college that she hung out with people like this. At some point, she got so serious that if it was work, it was at home with Ben, and vice versa. She never minded that either, but something about these people, her new family, made her realize just how fun it could be. It felt like a load off of a heavy couple weeks.

"Is that Hotch?" Emily suddenly asked, looking in Liv's direction, but at something behind her. Her back was facing the door, and as much as she wanted to turn to look, she simply stared at Derek wide eyed.

"Well would you look at that. I thought he would chose paperwork over us." Derek mused, his grin growing wider once he caught sight of Liv. She thoughtlessly straightened her posture, suddenly aware of how relaxed she had been before. One would think she was tensing in the presence of Hotch because he was her boss. That was, in fact, not the reason.

Liv could mask anything running through her sober head with no problem. Had she known she would be needing to do that that night, however, she probably would've held off on her last drink. Emily looked at her with wonder, obvious pondering what she was missing. The way Liv nearly jumped when Hotch pulled out the chair next to her answered Emily's question, and Emily looked down at her drink with a suppressed smile before greeting him.

"You made it!" Derek said happily, leaning even more on his arms crossed over the table top. Hotch smiled in a free kind of way Liv had hardly seen before, slipping off his suit jacket to hang on the back of his chair before sitting down. He greeted Emily with the same enthusiasm, turning to Liv. It was only then that she realized how close to him she was. 

"Olivia." He greeted with a nod. She nodded back with a smile, quick to turn away and take a long sip of her drink. 

She felt Derek's eyes on her, but she didn't look. He was amused, Emily was amused, she was flustered, and Hotch didn't notice. It was entertaining, she was sure, to anyone who didn't have to go through it. 

It all came back to that. She already knew she cared. She already knew she was denying herself of a feeling she was already feeling; a future she had already imagined. That didn't make it any easier. 

Hotch rolled up the sleeves of his white button up, requesting a beer from the server. By the time he had it in his clutches, head tipped back as he sipped, Liv was unsure if she should look anywhere but him, or only at him. She tried not to notice the expensive silver watch on his wrist, or the veins under his skin, or the faint memory of how those hands held her in her dreams.

"Alright Livvy, you're three drinks in. Still think you can beat me at darts?" Derek interjected her thoughts, a mischievous look on his face. She quickly stood at the proposition, grabbing her drink to take with her.

"You're on, _pretty boy_." 

To tell the truth, Liv was pretty damn good at darts. Derek, however, was adamant that he could beat her any day. Along with the deep desire to humiliate Derek at the game, she was grateful for an out from her current situation.

She did not find that with Derek like she thought she would. In fact, she could tell he was half-assing the game on purpose. His attention was elsewhere.

"Sweetheart, his eyes are probably on you right now."

Liv deadpanned as she looked back at him, suppressing a roll of her eyes. "He's my boss. He's _our_ boss. Besides, I'm not interested."

"I won't tell." He laughed, not even acknowledging her attempt of denial. He threw a dart at the board, it landing not so close to the center. He didn't seem to care too much. "Oh c'mon, all I'm saying is you'd be a lot more fun if you got laid."

Liv scoffed in response, completely forgetting to throw her dart and instead turning to face Derek, a look of disbelief on her face. "Hey. I'm plenty of fun as it is thank you."

Derek's dart landed right on the outside, and she turned to him in a fluster. "Will you stop throwing the game?"

"You'll thank me one day, baby girl." He said, theatrically plucked the darts out of the board with an exasperated sigh. "Alright, alright, so you can beat me at darts. I bet you can't beat Hotch, though." He earned the attention of everyone around them, including their two friends.

He passed Liv with a mischievous smirk, far too proud for her liking, and he headed back towards the table. As he did, she quickly muttered, "I'm going to kick your ass."

She strictly kept her eyes forward as she heard shuffling at the table behind her, thinking nothing of Hotch's compliance to challenging her in the game. Even when she felt his presence beside her, she shook any thoughts from her mind that were anything outside of casual. "So you do get out and have fun sometimes." Liv stated with a tone laced with sarcasm, starting their little game off with her first throw. His lips turned in response, replying in a taunting way he would never do in a professional setting. That's what was throwing her off. Normally, they were two people who worked together. Now they were just two people in a bar, and she was scared of what she would do with information like that.

"I'm actually a lot of fun, if you couldn't tell." He played.

_"I couldn't."_ Liv couldn't help the light laugh it came with, or the way her lips never fell back to indifference. That seemed to happen around him.

"How do you think I learned to play darts so well?" Hotch jabbed before tossing one, having exceptional aim, the kind she would only hope he would have considering he handled a gun on a daily basis.

"Ohh, don't tell me you were the life of the party, huh?"

His smile grew at the comment, plucking up his beer from the empty table near them and taking a long sip, unable to rid the curve of his lips as he did so.

She regretted it immediately, but despite all internal opposition; Liv watched. 

She watched the strait of his jaw and how it tightened with every sip. His hands wrapped around the glass of the bottle; the way the profile of his nose was nearly perfect.

Liv blamed it on the drinks, but for the first time since it happened, she entertained the memory of her dream from nights and nights before. As much as she had pushed it aside in her mind, she certainly hadn’t forgotten.

Liv wondered how it would feel to have those hands touch her; grabbing at her sides eagerly for more. The warmth and cold of his kiss, the gentle tracing of his fingertips. He set his beer down, looking back at her with a lazy grin, not even flinching at the way she studied him.

She couldn’t believe herself for even entertaining the idea of doing something so dumb, something so stupid as making a move on her boss. She supposed the thought alone wasn’t hurting anyone. But she was sipping her drink, and knew what would happen if she continued to do so.

She threw her last dart, it landing in the smallest circle of the middle of the board. She let out a sigh trying to clear her mind, hoping her voice didn’t shake with nervousness. “Well, I should probably head out.”

“Oh come on,” he said with amusement, leaning past her, hand searching for his beer. He got so close as he did, brushing up beside her. She could smell his cologne, maybe even guess his shampoo. “That was a lucky game. I win this one, and you have to stay for another drink.”

She would’ve liked to have the discipline to refuse, but he had a small grin she normally never saw him wear, and was afraid if she didn’t take the chance to watch it closely, it would gone before she was in her right mind to really enjoy it.

“Okay, Hotchner. You’re on.”

-

It wasn’t long before Liv had to switch to drinking water instead, remembering that she still had to drive herself home. However, she was quite impressed to see that Hotch stayed with them the rest of the night, despite how late it was when they finally called it.

Liv could hear the hum of the night when she walked out the front doors of the bar, the wind a chattering kind of cold that made her curl into her jacket. Against all odds, she had let herself have a decent time with some of her favorite people, and it made her a little sad that it all had to come to an end. Soon enough they would all be called back in on a case, and the pressure and responsibility would rest on their shoulders once more. She tried to remember that nights like these could coexist with her work, and maybe, it wasn't such a bad thing to let herself slow down. 

"Drive safe Derek." Liv hummed happily as they all parted ways. He threw her a promising grin and waved to her, and Hotch who was right beside her. Emily was already climbing in her car, and Liv realized a little too late that it was only her and Hotch left.

"It's late, I'll walk you to your car." He said. She had to admit, seeing him outside of the office, with a relaxed brow and looseness to his words, was like seeing a dog walk on it's hind legs. Completely foreign. She nodded to his offer, as it was pretty dark outside by then.

Liv focused on the crunching of the dirt and gravel beneath her, because she was too nervous to focus on the large shoulder brushing up beside her as they walked. She tried to keep her chest from tightening, a response that made it seem like she thought being alone with Hotch was the worst thing in the world. Really, she could think of much worse places to be. And despite the determination she found in carefully hearing the shuffling of shoes, she knew why she really felt the way she did. Liv was aware of the feeling in her stomach that arose every time it was just the two of them. Because whenever it was, Hotch stared at her in a way that stripped her of all professionalism, just liked he wanted. Between them two, it was never a look of two people who respectfully worked together. When he studied her, it was a look that made her feel like nothing else but a woman. She had forgotten what that felt like.

In fact, she had been so married to other titles, she had forgotten long ago the idea that she was deserving of love. In Liv's mind, it was never woman. Human being. It was everything else it could be; Agent, widow, daughter. Maybe that was what was so enthralling about Hotch's gaze, maybe that's why she shivered at the thought of it. She had been so uncomfortable for so long at the thought of being anything as simple as a person. She had always needed more, and Hotch saw through it all. She couldn't help but count the times, even. The first time she walked into the BAU. Nighttime conversations in his office. The night he found her in her hotel room. The wild look in his eyes when he pulled her from that blazing building, not worried about losing an agent, but worried about losing a person. A person he valued greatly.

"This is me." She breathed out, stopping at her car they had finally reached. And despite all reservations with doing so, she looked up at him, face illuminated by the street light. It made his features sharp, his eyes darker, and the curve of his lips more noticeable. 

He stood close, and as he got closer, she could start to hear the pumping of her blood in her ears. She didn't move at all, even when he was close enough she could feel the warmth of his breath. Her body went rigid at the thought of such little distance between them, imagination flickering to her dreams enjoyment of their two bodies pressed together completely. Liv nearly jumped when she felt his arm brush hers. It grabbed the car door for her, pulling it open, and then he was too far away for her liking, cold air filling the space between them as he straightened up. 

"Oh, uh, thank you." She sputtered out as he held the door back. Before she climbed in, she turned back to him, thanking the darkness for hiding the tint of her cheeks. "I'll see you on Monday."

Liv's voice was filled with much contempt at the thought, and Hotch held back a grin at the sound. "Have a good night, Olivia."

Her cheeks were still burning as she pulled up to her house, every moment spent replaying the night only deepening their crimson further. It seemed like now when she tried to shake these things from her mind, they would still stick. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already written a couple chapters ahead, just because this coming week my uni classes start. At that point I'll be going to school full-time, and working full-time. Howeverrrr, I'm determined to not get too busy to update, therefore I still think I will update as consistent as I have been. If it takes me a minute sometimes, or I get a little behind, now you're aware of why hahaha


	13. Chapter 13

The BAU was quiet on days of filing. Most of the time, this would lead for the whole team, including Liv, to slowly be growing anxious for another assignment. The free time got old, fast. This time, Liv was soaking in the moments until they were called away once more. Something about the last case had worn her down. 

May it have been her irrational decisions, a near brush with death, or Hotch's stern talking to, she didn't know. Maybe all. But she was deeply entranced with the files on her desk, and didn't even chime into the witty banter of her teammates around her. Perhaps it was the knowledge that Hotch had a clear view of them all from his office that made her want to keep her head down, whatever that meant. 

She eyed her empty coffee cup from her seat, deciding at once that a third cup, in fact, wasn't too much. She mindlessly scooped up Derek's as well along the way, having heard multiple times how he truly believed there was no such thing as too much caffeine. Liv was busy stirring in Splenda when Penelope walked into the break room.

"Good morning gorgeous."

"Good morning." Liv smiled back. She had set down a sparkly pink coffee cup that was empty, which Liv took the note to refill without a word.

"Oh, thank you!" Penelope said in response, picking up the steaming cup and holding it to her face in admiration. She leaned against the counter, looking as if a cup of coffee was not the only thing she had come for. "Hey, so the other morning, did I get it right?"

"Huh?" Liv shot her a confused look. She now sipped her coffee too, finding that she had gotten it near perfect that time. Just the right sweetness.

"When you were late to the case review," She nudged with a cheeky smile, always being the one for gossip. "Was there a guy?"

Liv let out a light laugh, finding amusement in the girlish interest Penelope took in her. She shook her head as they both walked out of the break room together, wanting to give Derek his cup of coffee back sooner rather than later before it grew cold. "Trust me, if I had a man keeping me up all night, I'd have a lot less problems."

Liv turned abruptly at Derek's desk, stopping at a large body standing beside it. She just barely stopped her coffee from spilling before she looked up at it, her laugh from before quickly dying in her throat. "Hotch." She nodded, lying to herself that he hadn't heard a word. He stood there with his hands in the pockets of his suit, looking at her blankly as she set down Derek's coffee on his desk. As she did so, she could see the smile Derek was trying to kill. 

She sunk back into her seat at her desk quickly, pretending to be all ears for whatever Hotch had come around to say. As her chair slid back, she heard a crunch.

"We have a possible case in Georgetown. Only one body, but given the nature of the corpse, they don't want to wait to see if it's serial." Hotch explained to the team, all relaxed at their desks and tired of paperwork. Liv, however, took a great interest elsewhere, looking at the wheel of her rolling chair in wonder. She saw a stretch of silver entangled in it. She faintly heard the background noise of Rossi questioning Hotch's certainty that it was worth their time, as she reached down and yanked and tugged at it until it broke loose. When she pulled it up, it was a freshly broken chain, and her wedding ring. "I'm going to need a pair of you to go out there and see if this is a case."

Despite the amazement and relief she stared at her hand with, she quickly snapped her head up at the sound of his words, shoving it into her pocket without another thought. "I've finished all my case reviews, so I'm available."

Hotch stared at her blankly once more, before scanning his eyes over the other members of the team. "Morgan and Prentiss, you go."

He didn't give Liv a moment to question his coldness before her turned on his heel and walked back to his office, leaving them all in an exchange of wonder as to where his hostility had arisen from. Regardless, Derek and Emily started gathering their things, and Liv was left looking at the closed office door, tracing the newly found treasure in her pocket, and wondering what on earth she should feel first. 

-

"One body, and they don't have another abductee yet?" Liv asked Derek through the phone. 

"Not yet, but I think we've definitely got a case."

"Your text just said she was suffocated."

"Well," Derek said, followed by a uncomfortable sigh. "Whoever killed her removed her lips postmortem."

Liv held back a grimace as she stood from her desk. "Sounds like a serial signature to me, I'll go tell Hotch and we'll be on our way."

"Thanks pretty girl."

Once the rest of the team arrived in Georgetown, they were all grouped at the local station, mulling over the limited information they had so far. Liv pinned photos from the scene to the board they were given, while the detective they had met once they got there spoke to the rest of them. "When we got the photo, I expected a ransom, not a body." 

At his words, Liv pinned said photo to that had been hand-delivered to a local media outlet to the board. A portrait of the victim before she was murder, hauntingly enough, a black and white, old-timey glamour shot. She was only twenty two.

"This isn't about money." Morgan shook his head, "It's about attention."

"Now that he's sent the photo to the media, he's opened a line of communication." Liv turned to the rest of them, seeing the TV in the corner of the room playing the story on the news, lacking all accurate details. With a case like this, and only one body, Liv was finding it easy to busy herself with all the other responsibilities left behind for her by JJ.

"From here on out, no one talks to the press unless it's Tate." Hotch said sternly, causing Liv nod in agreement, knowing where she was needed most this case. She then spoke, mostly to the detective, who had a puzzled look on his face.

"Last thing we need is someone naming her killer."

-

"Well he certainly has a type." Liv said, pinning up a picture of their second potential victim. A girl named Penny, with similar blonde hair and classic beauty that seemed to be what he was hunting for. She had just been reported missing, too soon after they found the first girl. Whoever was doing was going to keep killing people at a fast pace, and they only had so much time. Every important detail they had found from the first victim indicated this guy had a weird obsession with old Hollywood and fame. He'd dress his victims up to play the part, and when the inevitably failed his expectations, he got rid of them. 

"Kelly was kept for three days. If he's sticking to pattern, he's already on day two." Hotch said from beside her, meeting her eye as she looked over at him. He had on his trademark-workaholic expression, one she had grown overwhelmingly used to. 

"No pressure." Liv looked back at the board. "He'll be sending in another picture."

"And this time we need to be ahead of the media, we can't let another like Kelly's be published." Hotch said before walking out, no doubt to go order more people around. It left the rest of them in the room, trying to piece what they had together, and slowly feeling the constrains of time. 

"He's in a mood today." Liv said with a sharp look to Emily, hoping to speak quietly enough that no one else heard. She raised her eyebrows in response with a sigh.

"No kidding."

They hoped to lock down the building of the Georgetown "Monitor" after he had entered to submit the photo to the press. All the local P.D. gathered around as they delivered the profile, telling them exactly what their strategy was and how to identify the unsub. The team had planned it out well, making sure no one approached him until he was inside as to not scare him off. And for once, the local P.D. was compliant and as helpful as possible. Only their plan unraveled when he never showed, and a kid on a bike delivered the picture, claiming he had been paid twenty bucks to do it. 

"This just was just delivered by some kid on a bike." The lead detective said as he walked back into the room, a grave look on his face from the failure of a plan. Hotch took it from him, turning it over the plastic bag that held it in his hands.

"At least it's unreleased." Liv sighed, looking down at the small photo of the abducted girl. Her hair and makeup was done to perfection, like an old-school movie star. There was nothing to conceal the look in her eyes, however. "That buys us some time."

"Until he finds another way to contact the media." Reid said.

"We'll do it for him." Hotch said suddenly, looking up from the newly received photo with an idea in his eyes. Liv didn't quite follow his thought as he turned to Garcia who was tuned in over the computer. "Garcia, I need you here as soon as possible."

"Sure, what for?"

"We need him to break cover, get out in the open. Call a press conference with every major media outlet present." He ordered.

"Uh, sir-" Liv started, but it didn't last. As the person that had been given the responsibility of media relations on this case, Liv imagined that a press conference as big as this was her closest chance to working in the field. Instead, Liv heard Garcia stutter in response.

"Oh, I am not the one you want in front of that camera."

_No,_ Liv thought _, because that's my job._

"Yes, you are." He said simply, not sparing Liv a glance. He ordered the detective to call every available unit to be there. The team scattered, leaving a distraught looking Penelope hanging up. Morgan stared back at Liv, knowing well enough what the look on her face meant.

"Am I insane, or is Hotch bringing out our technical analyst to do the exact job I was left to do when JJ was transferred?"

Morgan said nothing, for lack of words or from lack of time to dwell on it. "I just do what I'm told, pretty girl."

That had been twice on this case that Hotch had overlooked her, and Liv's resentment had not settled by the time Garcia arrived. She hung to the backskirts of the team with a look of disinterest.

Something about it rooted a seed of anxiety in Liv's chest. Just the other night, they were betting against each other on games of darts and standing closely in the cold. Only now, it seemed like he didn't want her there, or at the very least, didn't want her working. She crossed her arms in discomfort. Perhaps she had gotten too used to the idea that the feelings he had about her were a reflection of her own.

"We need him to see a face, and a look that he recognizes." Hotch explained in response to Garcia's opposition. She didn't want to be on the cameras, and frankly, it made Liv find the situation even more bizarre. Garcia was not trained for these types of things, as she shouldn't need to be.

"Well, he likes blondes, and I'm red now."

"We can change that." Prentiss handed her a bag, no doubt full of all the essentials she would need to redo her look to appeal to the unsub. 

Liv held back a scoff and turned on her foot, walking in the other direction. It was no doubt every team member had their certain strengths and weaknesses that were called upon for different cases, all depending on what they needed. But when JJ left, Liv was given a choice. Transfer teams, or step up and take over a hefty portion of the communications workload in the absence of a designated liason. She had worked with her previous team for years, she could have easily chosen to go back. But she chose this team, instead. She chose a job she was not being allowed to do, regardless of the amounts of work, additional training and responsibilities, and longer nights in the office in the she had put in just so she could do it well.

"Tate." Hotch caught up to her, stopping her from getting too far. She knew that she was working on the clock, but she wasn't going to pretend that she was actually being used to help. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know, I figured somewhere where I would be of use."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him quickly. "You've had me running point from the station all day and trying to keep things quiet to the media. And now, you need a face for a press conference, and you call out our technical analyst? What would Strauss think about that?"

"I need you elsewhere." His voice became stern, his glazed expression not breaking. 

"Elsewhere as in, watching Penelope do my job?"

"We'll talk about this later."

She shook her head at him, wanting to be anywhere besides the same room as him, who couldn't press pause on his focus for one second to answer her very valid question. Had they not at least gotten to the point to where they could be forward with each other? Or worse, was he taking it all back now? "We sure will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of feel like this wasn't my best work but a girl tried. Know I'm writing all of this angst from the comforts of my new fluffy bathrobe with a cup of tea. This next chapter is very very angsty. We love disgruntled Hotch though :p


	14. Chapter 14

The case was wrapped up faster than expected. It was rare they only had one victim, practically never did that happen. This time, the very body that had brought them to Georgetown, was the only one to count for by the end of it. They were able to save the other victim.

For that, Liv was exceedingly grateful. This job was far too heavy to not be intentional about counting the victories, and finding the silver linings. By the time they had gotten everything squared away, it was the middle of the night, and it was a lucky thing that Georgetown was not far from the BAU or else they would've had to find a hotel. Instead, they all piled into their black SUV's and started the drive back.

Liv, by unlucky odds, was in her head. She stared out the window of the car, everything passing as a dark blur with random flashes of street lights. She had tried to keep her mind from doing so. Multiple attempts had rendered it useless, and therefore, she allowed herself to dwell.

Tangled in the clutches of her fingers, was her battered broken necklace, the precious thing she had found just before being swept into the whirlwind of the case. She held it tightly in the pocket of her jacket, not taking it out for fear of losing it again. She hadn't had a moment since the case started to fully feel her relief, and everything else that came with it.

She had ended the day unhappy. Inadequacy settled uncomfortably on her shoulders. Whether or not it was her fault, she hadn't done her job, and Liv was never good at coping with the feeling of being less than. Given the nature of the situation, it caused rage to boil inside her. And once she gave herself a moment to feel that, she realized all the anxiety that was hidden beneath it. Rage was just her blanket of disguise.

She was anxious that she was failing; failing to be enough like she had promised she would be for her late husband. She wanted to exceed at her job. She wanted to exceed at finding happiness. And only until recently, she saw the good things that could come out of moving on. Something in Hotch's tone that case had snatched it away from her. He had made her feel mediocre at her passion, and as if he was indifferent towards her. 

It made her unbelievably insecure, and at the realization that, Liv had no choice but to switch back to rage. She was angry she ever allowed someone to make her feel that way. 

Derek did not press her on the ride back, and she was thankful for it, because the only words she was able to speak then were choice words reserved for only one person, and until she could do that, she would remain silent. She appreciated how he read the room, and kept his playful and poking comments to himself, or just between him and Reid, who was in the backseat.

By the time they got back, most of the team was rushing to get home to their own beds. Liv, however, was not in such a hurry. She wasted little time before starting towards Hotch's office.

With a storm of questions residing in her chest, she did not allow herself the opportunity to grow soft at the sight of a tired looking Hotch scooping paperwork into his bag to take home. 

"Have I done something to _disappoint you_ , Agent Hotchner?" Liv asked with a tempered tone, letting the door shut loudly behind her.

"Excuse me?" He said in question after a moments hesitation, raising his head to watch her, eyebrows raised.

"Because if there is something I have done to make you feel like I am incapable of doing my job, I deserve the courtesy of an explanation."

He set his bag down on the desk, suddenly looking very formal to Liv. His expression watched her in wonder. "I apologize if I have done something to offend you, Agent Tate, I assure you it was not my intention."

She tried not to sway at the apology rolling past his lips. "I chose this team, you know. I chose this job." And had she not done so, so boldly? Had she not taken a risk in choosing this team, stricken by a new found loyalty?

"You did." He agreed.

Liv froze in her place, the intensity in her gaze never wavering. It was with that gaze that she was asking a million things, until she realized she simply needed to speak, to get her answer.

It felt like oceans were between them, and for the first time since she had joined the new team at the BAU, she felt the furthest from him that she had ever felt yet. It felt like a valley sat between them, full of all the questions and answers they were too afraid to hear. 

And basking in the feeling of the thought that she could ever be loved again was so nice, but now it seemed uneasy. She needed validity. She needed to stop living in a world full of maybe's and future tense's. She needed to be in the present, and know whether or not it was real, and if not, she needed to know to get on with her life; with her time.

To Liv, it felt like so much more than the simplicity of questioning how he perceived her professional integrity. It wasn't as simple as whether or not he thought she was good at her job, or worthy of being in the field, or anything he thought of her as a profiler. It was about what _he,_ thought of _her_. Human to human; one being to another. She knew the solace she found in him; the peaceful silence, the precious words when needed to be spoken. These were things she could not deny, but now, she was teetering on whether or not to find authenticity in them. Was she deceiving herself, or did he actually mean all that she thought he did?

So she said plainly, with a million meanings packed behind the punch of her words, "Why wasn't I the one up there?"

His lips pressed into a thin, hard line. And though he knew the answer to such a question within an instant, she couldn't tell. He had grown too used to his poker face; too used to masking what he needed to around his colleagues. But then there was her, who was so much more. So much more than someone he worked with. How could he have explained the ways in which he struggled with the blurred line between the two?

"I chose to keep you out of this for my best interest." He didn’t want a target painted on her back.

"Well next time, Agent Hotchner," She said without a second thought of the courage it took to admit those words, finding them nevertheless unsatisfactory. "-it might be wise of you to keep your feelings out of your professionalism."

He couldn't even be angry at the tone in which she used, because she was right. And he knew it, before she even said so. He knew it was never going to work, to care for her and to work so closely everyday. How would he ever be able to leave his emotion at the door? How could he not worry; want to keep her safe?

It was never going to work, and he kept telling himself that. He kept telling himself that the more he tried to make it happen, the more times she would be standing before him like then, angry and disappointed. It was a gut wrenching thought, and it only grew harder to bear with every passing moment. Every rise and fall of her chest; every moment her frustration persisted. He had been ignorant to think that simply because she was gentle and a force of nature; calm and wild to tame; every contradicting trait that drew him in, could ever make it any more possible. Just because she knew the pain he had felt from the same kind of loss, knew the passion and importance of their work that rose above all else, just because she was chaos encased in the most gentle of people; did that ever make the difference?

Only a fraction of his concern rested in the worry of policy and rules of the Bureau. He had already pushed rules for her. He had already crossed a line he never would've dared before she arrived.

He had been thinking in his best interest before, and now he had to think about hers. 

His right hand reached out to grasped his bag he had set on his desk, and his spine straightened at the sudden intensity he took. A powerful presence, strong and sure, and lacking of _feeling._

"It won't happen again."

He had no time to see her face fall; no time to see her register the moves he made, as he simply walked past her, and out the office door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Outlined this chapter one way, wrote it the complete opposite. I don't know why I bother outlining, my brain just takes it and runs with it. But I must thank it, because now after this chapter I have an excuse to amp up the sexual tension to the max :D Very glad this chapter ended differently than I originally planned, it suits their personalities so much better.


	15. Chapter 15

Liv woke up to the sharp pounding of a persisting headache, sprawled across her couch in a pathetic fashion. The dull aching made her groan in response, rubbing her eyes furiously as she tried to wake up. She didn't even need a sharp memory to know what had happened. They finished the case, she realized that she was feeling a way towards her boss that was not requited, and she did what any other girl would do. She spent the weekend getting really, really drunk. 

Her phone buzzed next to a ahlf bottle of wine on the coffee table, and she looked at it to see a message from Garcia, alerting her of a new case. She had been banking on at least one day to get to recover from the hangover, but unfortunately, she was going to have to power through. She rolled off the couch, angrily pulling the curtains of her living room shut to block out the sun. She needed to wash off the smell of booze before she could afford to go into work.

In fact, despite her state, she took the care to piece herself together with as much dignity that she could muster, leaving it to her drunken self to feel her feelings. Now, she only wanted to work.

Liv pulled her hair out of her face, staring down her reflection with a mix of annoyance and exhaustion. She wasn’t quite sure if she were ready for the day, even after she had put her appearance together. If there was any comfort in knowing what her last conversation with a Hotch meant, it was that now, she could go in and do her job without interruption. Not even the slightest bit of distraction. Or so she was telling herself.

As she watched herself in the mirror, a glare of a sparkling ring caught her attention, still twisted in it's broken chain on the counter. She picked it up, rolling it over in her fingers and letting it slip off the chain. The coldness of it settled in her palm, before she slid it on her finger, just for the sake of missing the feeling of it's familiarity. She took a moment to watch it, twiddling her fingers around, before sliding it back off. She wasn't sure why, perhaps it was out of worry of losing it again, but she set it back down rather than keep it with her. She wondered what her therapist Sydney would have to say about that. 

By the time she made it to the BAU, she saw the back of Morgan as he walked into the briefing room, assuming that mostly everyone was already there. She hurried to catch up to them, finding she was right. 

Eyes landed on her as she walked in, chiming in with hellos and kind greetings, every chair at the table already full. All except one, that she looked at with reluctance as it sat next to a distracted Hotch. She drew her breath without realizing, pausing only for a moment before becoming painfully aware that she needed to sit down. She did so without a word, instead taking great interest in the blank board in anticipation. 

"Ten year-old Daniel Lanham was reported missing--" Garcia started soon after, pulling up a young boys picture. "Went on a camping trip with his father last November. His remains were just discovered by hikers in Pennsylvania" 

"That's really close to the Appalachian trail." Reid noted, furrowing his brow in deep interest.

"Rangers are the ones calling us in." 

"The trail covers 14 states and is nearly 2,200 miles long. It's a miracle he was ever found."

Hotch shuffled through the file, the side of his arm brushing Liv's as he did so quickly. "I don't think he was supposed to be." His eyes hesitated before looking back up at the team.

"What are the chances that Daniel was his only victim?" 

Reid shook his head in response to Morgan's question. "Not good." 

"Garcia, will you let the rangers know that we'll be there within the hour." Hotch snapped his file shut, nodding to the team before being the first to rise. Liv disregarded the swoosh of cold air that took his place as he left the room.

Once they got to Pennsylvania, Liv found herself in the car with Morgan, sent on their way to visit the crime scene while the rest of the team were to work from the station alongside local authorities. Liv wordlessly popped two pills in her mouth for the headache, already having caught Morgan's attention at her silence.

"Long weekend?" He asked with a nudge, forcing her to muster a adequate response. 

"Not long enough, actually." She said plainly, keeping her eyes peering out the window and scanning over every feature of the road she could find. He gave a light laugh in response, before lowering his voice in interrogation.

"What's going on with you and Hotch? You've both been off since our last case." He drummed his fingers along to the low song of the radio. "Neither of you are very pleasant to work with when you're-"

"Nothing." Liv cut him off, responded short in tone. She realized that her answer did nothing but solidify more to Morgan that there was something actually wrong, but either way, she just wanted this topic to die out as soon as possible. 

He looked at her with more concern, spending an alarming amount of time with his eyes off the road. "If it's something personal, you can tell me, you know that right?"

"Why would it be personal?" She broke her gaze from outside, now looking directly at Morgan with an overly exaggerated look of boredom. "He's my boss."

It pained her in a way to keep it down, because she knew he was right, and she could tell Morgan something so heavy on her mind. But they were too close, all of them working together, and it would make things weird. Liv couldn't afford to have Morgan's eyes on her every time Hotch walked into the room, waiting for an ounce of emotion to appear on her face.

"C'mon Liv, we both know there's more to it than that-"

"Well we were wrong, Derek, get over it." Her icy tone quieted him immediately. She instantly had to suppress the guilt she felt with her sharpness, trying to stay focused on not feeling much at all. She stared back out the window, fiddling with her fingers to shake away the feeling of being completely stuck in one place. 

They both sunk into the sounds of only the faint radio and the growling engine. Liv knew that in her refusal of talking about it she was willfully making this process harder for her, yet that didn't seem to get any words past her lips. To admit to a bruised pride was to admit to the hope that once thrived that that same pride could possibly be loved again.

She counted her breaths instead, holding each and releasing with such intention. Focusing so hard on the simple act of living was easiest way out. Derek sighed beside her, tapping his fingers in thought again, thinking of what to say.

"Want me to kick his ass?" He asked with a shrug. Liv turned and looked at him, blankly at first until she couldn't help the grin that stretched across her lips at the thought. A light laugh shook her shoulders, and she looked back to see Derek in the same state. She shook her head at his attempt to make her laugh, appreciating that it worked. She really wished she could answer that question honestly.

They arrived at the crime scene, weaving deeply into the woods to reach, lined with yellow tape and markers of evidence. The boys body had been wrapped in plastic, despite being dumped so remotely. "It wouldn't have taken long for the elements to destroy the body. Seems like he wanted the ability to come back and visit."

Morgan knelt down beside where the body had been recovered, looking around at the surrounding trees. "So it's not a disposal site, it's a grave."

The cold wind shook the trees around them, catching Liv's attention as she scanned the area. They were too deep in the woods for anyone to be able to find it easily. It was hauntingly remote; the isolation of it sparking both jealousy, and discomfort from her."Look at this place, it's too easy to get lost. He'd have to leave a marker that no one else noticed."

"And he'd want to show his dominance. You know, animals make a mark as high up in a tree as they could possibly reach." Morgan continued with her statement. On the same train of thought, they both spun slowly, inspecting the high points of all the trunks around them. Liv's arm extended out, pointing to a particularly bulky branch with a wide slash in it.

"There. It looks like an ax mark."

The leaves crunched beneath their feet, Morgan pivoting to look somewhere else.

"Tate."

She spun to see another mark just as high on a tree a few yards away, sighing at the sight of it. "I'll let the detectives know." Morgan said, nodding to her to notify the team of another victim. 

She held her phone to hear ear, hesitating at the sound of the ringing line. 

"This is Hotchner."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. When the anxiety hit her, it did so quickly, like she was surprised to hear his voice despite dialing him. She shook off the chill that ran through her at the deepness of the sound, shaming herself for taking a moment too long to speak. She was standing over a dead kids grave, how could the sound of his voice be the thing to make her pause?

"Hotch." She masked the relief of hearing his words, choking it down with lack of emotion. "Morgan and I are at the scene, we just found a second grave."

"Send over the ME report once you get it. In the mean time, I need you back here as soon as possible." He hesitated on his words before correcting himself. "I need you both back here."

"On our way." She said quickly, closing out of the call immediately, letting her breath finally release. She tried not to think about whether his heart stopped when he saw her name on his phone. She tried not to think if he was missing her while she was gone. She allowed herself to think of one thing, and one thing alone. She was really starting to miss that bottle of wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate taking this long to update. I haven't had a super fun past couple of weeks, but even just editing this chapter before posting made me so excited about this story and to write. Perhaps I'll spend the rest of my weekend doing so...:)


	16. Chapter 16

"His clothing matches a missing persons report. His name is Tyler Stolts and he was abducted 23 months ago." Morgan explained what the medical examiner had told the pair as they walked back into the station, through the door frame of their separate room to work. 

"He went missing in October of 2008." Liv added. The majority of the team present was seated around a table, littered with papers and case files, except for Reid, who watched the white board intently until their entrance.

Liv found a seat next to Prentiss, her eyes flickering to the seat across the table, occupied by a focused Hotch. His eyes kept on a report in front of him from the police station as she lowered into her chair, minding no interest to Liv's hands as they shuffled for a certain file on the table.

Liv felt the presence of Morgan next to her, leaning over her shoulder to place down her cup of coffee, just like they always seemed to do for each other. He gave her a comforting look, probably paying too much attention to any glancing between her and the man across the table. Yet it wasn't until then, after Morgan retreated to where Reid stood, that when Liv looked at Hotch, his eyes were no longer on his paper. Instead, they were following Morgan as he traveled across the room with a look of intention, only to snap back to gaze at Liv with a look of displeasure. When he saw that she was already looking, his gaze didn't break. Instead he continued to watch her with a look that if she didn't know better, she would think meant he had something to say to her.

Something about Hotch's trailing glare on Morgan made Liv shift in her seat uncomfortably, staring at him across the table with a look of boredom. She didn't speak either, only wrapped her hand around the disposable cup of coffee that had been given to her, swiftly lifting it to take a sip all while she watched. He didn't like that very much.

They settled into quiet chatter, throwing out possibilities and forgotten facts of the case, trying to connect the newest body found to what they already had. The only issue was, they had only stumbled on the second grave by accident. There was no way to know how many victims he had claimed, not until Reid stood up suddenly, catching everyone's attention. "I went back ten years matching reports of missing children with Daniel and Tyler's victimology, and this unsub may have taken twelve victims." He announced to the room.

"How do you know it's the same guy?" Morgan questioned with suspicion. 

"The dates an locations of the abductions create an unmistakable pattern." Reid said simply, and they all knew better than to challenge him.

"If he's been abducting children for 10 years, why weren't we called in before now?" Prentiss asked, still sitting beside Liv.

Reid nodded quickly, anticipating that the question would eventually come. "The thing is, he walks the entire trail end to end, and each way takes approximately six months."

"So the crimes are years apart and across state lines." Liv breathed out. It was a scary thought, the idea that this unsub had been claiming victims, little boys, for years. And know one even knew to look for him. "No one even knew he existed."

"Exactly." Reid agreed. He placed the map he had been studying down in the middle of the table, allowing everyone to lean over it as he explained more of his theory. "But in the last two years, he's stopped traveling so far. I think something's affected his mobility. For the past two winters, he's returned to this 30 mile radius."

Thirty miles was plenty of ground to cover, but it was better than the entirety of all 2,200 miles of the Appalachian. There wasn't much they could do at the moment considering the setting sun, but luckily for them, there was no one they were on a clock to find. However, they all knew it was just a matter of time before another child disappeared.

Some of the team dispersed to tell the local authorities the same thing Reid had explained to the team, starting the organizing of a search tomorrow morning. If they were lucky, they could find where this guy hid out before another child had to be taken. But considering how long he had been taking children off anyone's radar, it wasn't super likely.

Liv sipped her coffee, pressing her back into the cushions of the padded seat she sat in. They just had to get through the night, and then they could finally start making real progress.

-

Hotch paused in the doorway as he turned to walk back into their separate room to work on the case. He was expecting to see a few others scattered about the place, but when got inside, he saw only Liv to be present, head down on her arm against the table with hushed eyelids.

He clung to the door frame as her chest rose and fell, watching a peaceful look washed across her face that he hadn't been seeing recently. He ignored the pang in his chest at the idea that he had contributed to that at all.

Liv was in a daze when his strong hand shook her shoulder, her cheek pressed against her arm that was sprawled across the table. Beneath her were open files and crime scene photographs, all things she had been reviewing before she dosed off. Blinking away her blurry vision, she looked behind her to see Hotch's figure towering over her. 

"I see that coffee didn't work for you." he said quickly, continuing before she got the chance to wake up anymore or retort. "We heard news of two more missing kids."

"Two?" She asked, rubbing her eyes at the same time. She felt slightly blushed at the embarrassment that she had fallen asleep, let alone that he had found her that way.

"A boy and a girl." He stated, still towering. She felt uncomfortably small under his height, and his strong gaze.

She straightened her back in attempt to feel bigger, it making little the difference. "Girls aren't his preference." She stated in confusion.

"No, they're not." With that, he started to move towards the door. "Lets go, the rest of the team will meet us at the scene and we can start to organize a search."

She quickly stood, scrambling to tuck things back into their place before just abandoning them all together. Liv grabbed her things and hurried after his retreating figure, noticing too late that everyone else was gone, and she was left to ride to the abduction site with Hotch alone.

Liv sat in the passenger seat of the SUV, awkwardly twiddling her thumbs as Hotch was beside her at the wheel. She tried not to contemplate the silence, overthinking whether it was peaceful or uncomfortable. Hotch pulled out from the station, turning on the the road as she listened to the growling engine, the car growing to feel increasingly smaller with every minute. In a hopeful attempt to offer something besides awkwardness to the drive, she turned the radio up slightly and pretended to be busy listening to the popish tune that it played.

Hotch's hand reached out and clicked against the dashboard, changing the music.

"Why'd you change the song?"

"I don't like that kind of music."

Liv swallowed a sigh and turned to look back out the window, busying herself with the blur of trees instead of the music that Hotch apparently couldn't tolerate. She had no idea why acting professional was so hard for her, or why everything he did was slowly starting to drive her crazy. Maybe it was because with every move he made, he did so still willingly rejecting her. The car came to a stop at a red light, jolting at the pressure on the brake. The second it turned green, it jolted again, quick to move forward.

"Do you always drive like this?" Liv snapped in annoyance. Really, she didn't care that he had changed the music, or that he was hard on the pedals. Not in the grand scheme of things, really. But she was mad at _him_ , and therefore, she was annoyed by everything he did.

"Like what?" He questioned in response, eyes glued to the road.

"Like your life depends on it."

He pressed the gas harder. "Someone's does."`

She suppressed the urge to say anything else, pressing her back into the cold leather of the seat and looking only at the passing trees. Once they got there, she jumped out of the car without another word and started towards the buzz of officers. Among reaching those that were already there, worse case scenario the missing kids had been gone for 12 hours by now, which was less daunting when taking into consideration the probability that the unsub was travelling with some sort of health issue. Still they were quick to organize a search and scrounge up more than enough volunteers, preparing to set off into the woods.

Liv stood next to Prentiss and Morgan, zipping up her jacket in attempt to keep out the cold chill. They were beginning to separate people into groups to search different parts of the surrounding land, the three of them waiting to see where they were needed. Prentiss joined a group made up of the sheriff and a number of volunteers, Liv and Morgan taking a more lacking group to strengthen their numbers. They discussed the lay out of the land, ignoring the sound of barking dogs and police radios, trying to establish a specific strategy.

"Tate." Hotch's voice interrupted the two agents, sneaking up on them in surprise. "Take the sheriff's group."

"Prentiss is already over there." She responded, nodding in her direction. Hotch stood there, brow furrowed, in his brown zip up jacket, undoubtedly having many more useful places he could be inserting himself.

"Then switch." He said sternly, not bothering to hide the way his eyes scanned both the agents before turning and heading back towards the search's organizer.

Liv went to speak on it to Morgan, but could tell by the way he easily shook it off that he was not fully aware of Hotch's sour attitude. Instead, she let out a sigh and stalked over to another search group, sending Prentiss on her way and familiarizing herself with a different plan. She tried to expel him from her mind altogether once they took off, only focusing on the crunching of leaves beneath her boots and the hope for a response to their desperate calls for the missing kids.

A search dog sniffed along the foliage in front of her, having picked up a scent off of one of the children's clothes. The children's names were called out, followed by silence, time and time again as they sifted through wilderness, walking deeper into thick trees and vines. They did so for what felt like forever, obviously trying hard to persist for the sake of hope.

Liv ducked under a low hanging branch, stopping once she noticed her shoe had come untied. By the time she had tied it, she saw the others a good couple of yards in front of her. She moved to try to catch up, only to stop at the sound of a twig snapping from behind her. She snapped her head around at the sound, trying to find where it was from, only to be met by the still woods. 

"Robert?" Liv called out one of the kids names. "Ana?"

She heard nothing but now distant barking and fading voices, feet still glued in their spot out of suspicion. The crunch of leaves echoed.

Liv crept along, unable to help the chill that set through her at her sudden lack of company, hand tracing the gun on her hip in case she had stumbled upon something she was not supposed to. She brushed away leaves and foliage as they hung in her eyes, carefully tracing back her steps where the sound had come from. For all she knew, it could just be a squirrel. 

She ducked around a tree trunk, hand immediately dropping from her side once she saw the shoe of a child sticking from a nearby bush. "Ana?"

She brushed back the greenery around it to expose the terrified looking little girl, wild blonde hair riddled with sticks and dirt. Liv immediately softened her expression. "It's okay sweetheart, I'm here to find you."

-

Liv rubbed her temples as she sat in a chair in the station, the little girl and her parents in a room that was not far from her. Hotch was inside at the moment, trying to get any useful information out of the child in hopes that they could use it to find her brother. In the passing time, Liv inspected her boots, caked with dirt and mud, until she heard the door click shut.

"Ana says the unsub had a limp." Hotch shared as he walked towards her.

"That's good, that lines up." Liv nodded her head along, trying to ignore the exhaustion that was pulling at her eyelids. 

Hotch stood, not saying anything, but just watching for a moment, as if he was contemplating his words. Liv would've thought more about what was happening in his mind if she weren't so tired from the day, and from trying to read him constantly. In the moment, she conceded that she would just never know, and thought only of the next time she could get a nap.

"You did good work today." He said softly, letting his eyes trail her tired features. There was nothing he felt like he could do with the overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect her, so he settled on, "You should get some rest."

Liv stood in response, looking far too unaffected by his words for his liking. "I would, Agent Hotchner, but we still have another kid to find."

Her shoulder just barely brushed past his as she walked away, heading instead to join the rest of the team in their case room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no worries, we're about to add that spice back :-)


	17. Chapter 17

"Is this your strategy? Drinking?" Derek said from behind Liv at the hotel bar. She turned around with a chilled glass in hand, giving him a sloppy smile in return.

"The invitation is open, you know."

He shook his head despite the grin on his face, taking the seat next to her without hesitation and waving down the bartender for a drink. "So how long are you going to keep this up?"

"The drinking?"

"No," Derek responded with a laugh, taking a sip of his new beer. "The avoiding."

"Derek, I swear to god." She turned to him too quickly, a little bit of her drink sloshing over the side of her glass. She didn't seem to notice, nor care. "If you're here to try to talk to me about Hotch, you can take your pretty little ass right back up to your room."

He watched her in amusement, granting that it was rather late, and she had had a fair share of time to get a couple drinks in. He masked any concern he had for her and her feelings for the moment, because he didn't exactly want to be banished from his seat beside her yet. "Fair enough." He conceded, not pushing the topic any further. Deep down, he was aching for the two to get over themselves, so finally the tension in every room they both existed in would finally dissipate. However, he was not interested in crossing Liv sober, let alone three glasses of wine in. 

They had finished the case, taking the night to finally get some sleep before they flew out in the morning. Liv wasn't doing much resting, not that she hadn't tried. In fact, her tossing and turning rather early in the evening discouraged her from attempting to sleep completely, which found her in her current state. "Wait a second, where have you been?"

"There's a bar across the street." Derek gave her a look. "A little more lively than a hotel bar, don't you think?"

"Ahhh," Liv nodded with a laugh. "You were looking for women. You should've invited me, I make an excellent wingman." She said with a wide grin, nudging his arm with her elbow. "Or maybe I could've found one for myself."

"Well you've seemed to have a hot date with a bottle of wine tonight."

Liv looked down at her half full glass in admiration, swishing it around in the light. "I love wine. It doesn't disappoint you. And it's just, always there."

Derek watched her in amusement, hardly having seen her intoxicated to the point where she completely loosened up. "Isn't so nice to you in the morning though, is it?"

She let out a huff at the realization, knowing very well that a hangover and a plane ride didn't sound like an ideal morning. "I'm an idiot." She slapped herself in her forehead, letting it rest in her palm against the bar. She was an idiot for so many things, so many things that had nothing to do with being a little too tipsy at the hotel bar. 

"You're not an idiot." Derek corrected, pushing her shoulder back to straighten her up again rather than fall against the bars surface. "You're just drunk."

"What's the difference, at this point."

Derek turned to her with a look of much more intention, like the talking down she was doing to herself was far from suitable for him. "Hey. You did great on this case. Maybe you should try focusing on that." He stood, taking a long last sip of his beer. "You should try getting some sleep soon, Liv. I'm serious."

"I know." She nodded along as he paid the bartender, kindly buying her drink as well. "I'll go to my room in a minute. Once I finish this." She shot him a crooked smile. 

"Yeah yeah," He laughed back, ruffling her hair as he passed. "Goodnight pretty girl."

She hummed a goodnight back, staring down the bottom of her glass, contemplating Derek's words and actually trying to be a little more proud of herself. It didn't take long before she gave up, taking the last sip of her drink and paying the bartender for the glasses that had come before it.

She shuffled upstairs, admitting that her eyes were growing more tired, and maybe some sleep wasn't such a bad idea after all. The elevator dinged as it came to a stop at the top floor, opening up to a long and quiet hallway. She fumbled around in her bag for her key card, seemingly unable to keep track of it for the life of her. Liv stumbled over to her door, finally fishing it out and scanning it. The lock on the door beeped red, not moving. 

"Oh come on." Liv whined, scanning the card again only to get the same result. She relentlessly jiggled the handle in hopes that it would open anyways, growing more and more impatient with each failure. "Stupid key card."

She swiped it through again, merely thumping her head against the door in defeat when it didn't budge. She was so lost in her mumbles of displeasure, she didn't hear the door unlock before swinging open.

Her hand grabbed on to the door frame quickly, saving her from falling straight on her face, as she looked up to see a tall figure with messy bedhead, standing in his plaid pajama pants in confusion. 

"This is..." Liv looked up at him in her disheveled manner. Awkward. Most unfortunate. The worst of luck. Idiocy at best. "Not my room."

"No, it's not." Hotch said from inside the room, his sleepy eyes having awoken once they landed on her. Still, despite his suddenly awake gaze, she couldn't ignore his disheveled hair. "Yours is 207."

She wasn't going to ask how he knew that, instead, she was going to take the direction as gracefully as she could, and attempt to exert herself from situation before she could humiliate herself further. She gave him an understanding nod and turned on her heels, heading to her left where she was sure 207 would be.

_Please, please just let me leave_. She thought quietly, trying to walk as collected as possible and spare any dignity she had left.

"Liv." He called out to her, of course. She stopped in her tracks, wanting to shrink back into her skin, before turning. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Liv said plainly. Was she okay? Not really. She had merely felt like she had put her heart on the line for the first time since her husband dropped dead and instead was met with rejection. And among that, she couldn't even run. Now she had to see his face everyday at work, all the time, even late at night after too lush of an indulgence at the hotel bar. "Just a little drunk." She admitted, cringing at her words the second they passed her lips. She was talking to her boss.

"I know." He said, stepping closer through the doorway. She wished he hadn't. When he did so, she realized that even under florescent light, underlining every crease of his skin and marking every trace of sleep on his face, he was still just as remarkable as the day she first met him. "But are you okay?"

To be fair, she had only been one door off, and her room was just beside his. Honestly, it was a mistake she could've made sober. "Yeah, I'm-" she swiped her key card, this time the lock finally flashing green as she twisted the handle. "I'm great, actually." Just then as the words passed her lips, she stumbled, no thanks to the drinks she had had, or even worse, the rush of nervousness now coursing through her due to Hotch's gaze. She had no idea where she would've ended up had he not stepped quickly to wrap an arm around her, keeping her from the carpeted hotel floor below. 

And it was just like that, before she could even think, and he was there. She had tried to not embarrass herself further, yet here she was, nearly fallen to the floor, now caught by his arms and far closer to him than she wanted to ever allow again. She breathed out, her heart sinking at her near mistake, realizing the even bigger one she had gotten herself into. Regardless, her eyes trailed quickly, not catching on as fast as her brain. Down his face, over his eyes, following the bridge of his nose. They found home on his lips, twisted in concern and far too close to her own. 

Perhaps it had been the wine that made her think so, but did it really matter anyways? She wanted so badly to feel them, to kiss them, run her thumb across them. She was begging for a reason to do so, to be lead to do something so stupid, but she couldn't. Because yes, she had already embarrassed herself more than she wanted to, and she did not need to go as far as throwing away all of her dignity. A part of Liv hated herself for being so weak, so emotional. That had always been a flaw of hers; She believed that when she let her feelings guide her, she was weaker because of it. Yet still, in that moment, she stuck closely to her logic, expelled all of her hearts longing from her mind, and pulled away quickly. "I'm fine." She said quickly, straightening up.

Hotch opened his mouth, no doubt to protest her statement or demand that she be more careful, but something inside of her couldn't stand to hear it. She didn't want to hear that he cared whether or not she fell to the floor, or that he would do anything in his power to keep her from doing so. None of that knowledge made any of it easier, and for her, she needed easier. She couldn't challenge the fragility of her heart for a scandal such as caring for one's boss. No, doing that, she would only be asking to be hurt even more. And could she really handle that?

"Aaron." She said sternly, cutting him off. He was so caught off guard by the use of his first name, he allowed her to interrupt. "I really, don't need you to take care of me, okay?"

The moment was sobering, and he looked at her silently in response. Unsure what to say, unsure if he should speak at all. And that was the final straw, has he watched her turn away, and shut him out of her hotel room. With full force, the weight of reality crashed against his sleepy shoulders, and he was left contemplating all the things that he had said, trying to piece together exactly what it would take for them to be undone.


	18. Chapter 18

Their next case had brought them to a gated community in New Mexico, a series of murdered women found all in the same neighborhood. All strangled in their own homes. Hotch huffed in frustration. After a community meeting, they had all returned together to stress over files and evidence again.

"Where are the rest of the files? We're missing four." He asked the leading detective that was accompanying them. They had scrapped every idea they had up until that point, looking at all 71 possible suspects within the community again. Right back at the start. He was trying hard to keep his annoyance to himself.

"Well one of them is me, and the other three are the victims husbands."

"Why would that automatically excuse them?"

The detective set down the other 4 personal files in front of the team, each of them grabbing to pluck one up and review it with their new perspective. They were looking for specific personal details in this unsub; community member, out late at night, very educated in technology. "This is the third victims husband?" Hotch asked the detective, looking up from the mans file.

"Yeah. Actually, up until his wife was killed, he was one of my leading suspects."

Hotch kept himself from snapping as Garcia ran the mans name through the system. The rest of the team shuffled eagerly beside him, knowing if this didn't come back with a lead, they really were going to be back where they started. "Hotch-" Garcia said from the other line, sounding alarmed. "He has a record of assault charges." Hotch let out a breath, feeling stupid for not having realized that he was left out of the suspects earlier. "He used to work in IT."

That confirmed it for all of them, exchanging glances between each other in realization. His eyes searched for Liv among the faces, a secret part of him not wanting to move until she validated that she agreed. Only, when he realized she wasn't there, he was no longer thinking about the man who was responsible for all these deaths. "Where's Tate?"

Prentiss glanced around in response, her eyes quickly falling on a vacant spot on the table. Garcia had been running a scan over the laptop of the third victim to see if there was anything worth mention, which was now no longer there. "She went to return the third victims laptop."

That undoubtedly put her right in the home of the killer. Hotch hurried without a word. 

"Hotch, she has a gun." Rossi called out in reassurance. He didn't care. She had no idea she was in the house of a killer and the element of surprise could overturn having a gun at any moment, if she wasn't careful. 

It wasn't even enough once they were piled into the car, bound to arrive at the house in a matter of minutes. And for some strange reason, he thought back only to their conversation at the hotel. All the way back to the last case. Ever since then, she had been insistent about keeping her space. Ever since then for him, however, he hadn't stopped beating himself up for sabotaging his own happiness, let alone hers.

_"Aaron."_ He could recall her saying. _"I really, don't need you to take care of me, okay?"_

No, of course she didn't. It was never about her needing him. It was about him wanting her. And the last thing he could bear was another woman he cared for alone in a house with a killer. His same fight or flight response was kicking in now, speeding far too quickly in a neighborhood. 

_I really don't need you to take care of me._

If something happened to her, the self loathing would ruin him. He had barely survived it the first time.

The tires of the SUV screeched to a stop, and Hotch threw the gear in park and pushed himself from the vehicle. His hand found his gun immediately and he wasted no time before knocking the door in. The crying daughter of the man was alone in the living room, looking traumatized as ever and no more relaxed at the entrance of the team. He waved one of them over to get her out of the house, before he moved on to the rest of the floor. 

He heard the slam of something heavy against a wall, and he bounded up the stairs before his eyes could land on any other room. He pushed open a door, gun pointed, only to find an empty room. The rest of the team was reaching the top of the steps when he pushed open the next one. It was no doubt the daughters room, littered with toys and vibrant colors.

Liv stood panting in the middle of it, the limp body of an unconscious unsub below her. She looked widely at him, before she gathered the sense to rush and pick up her gun that had been tossed across the ground. She held it in her shaking hands, before Morgan stepped forward as the unsub stirred. 

"Hands where I can see them!"

Liv tuned the rest out, feeling a numbing ache in her shoulder and her head throbbing from the sudden rush of her blood pressure. She only holstered her gun when Morgan had him in handcuffs, the team guiding him out of the house while the rest of the local authorities were notified.

"Olivia." Hotch said sternly, snapping her out of her daze. He allowed everyone else to shuffle in the chaos around them, but his eyes stayed on her.

She looked at him, still visibly frazzled, before letting out a deep breath from the other side of the room. He felt like he could recall a conversation like this before. "I'm fine."

"Okay." He said back, unsure of what kind of response would even be enough. His eyes scanned her, everywhere, looking for any sign of serious injury or trauma. It seemed that even with her gun thrown to the opposite side of the room as her, she had managed rather well to handle the situation. He would've let himself feel proud if he wasn't so riddled with worry. "Come on." He waved to her, emerging from the chaos of it together.

She stayed quiet on the way back, even as they tied up the loose ends of the case and the pressure was off. The sudden change of pace had no affect on Hotch. For the life of him, he couldn't relax, not even as he watched her silently from across the room, watching as she mindlessly clawed for a necklace she didn't wear anymore and a vacant look on her face.

Truly, he was dying to get her alone. He suppressed the urge to snap every time someone else popped up with something, asking her questions and needing official reports. The only problem was, he was so _angry._

He was angry with himself. And with the situation, but mostly himself. He was angry at her too, but for every opposite reason. He was so unbelievably angry that he even cared so much, even more so that he thought he could ignore it. 

By the ending of the day, he finally got the chance to pull her aside. She looked worn down from the day, and if he thought for a moment, he would've let that stop him. Only he didn't. He would hate himself for that later, but in the moment, he didn't falter.

"What were you thinking going back there by yourself?"

She furrowed her brow at him, the exhaustion mixing with her annoyance in the most unpleasant way. Even has battered as she was, Olivia never could sit quietly while someone poked at her.

"I'm plenty authorized to do that, Hotch, we visit victims families all the time."

"You could've been killed-"

"I had a gun." She corrected. The dimly lit room seemed uncomfortably quiet in the absence of their bickering, and with every sentence punctuated, there feel a chilling tension in the air.

Hotch huffed in stress. Liv watched him from where she stood, eyes not tearing away from his grim expression. His frown was deeper than ever, eyebrows knit together in conflict. 

"You realized it was him the same time I did, Hotch-" Liv interjected again. She was so tired of fighting, and more importantly, she was so tired of this push and pull between them.

"What if you had been hurt?"

He was pleading with her now, in the most unfair way. He was desperate for all the words he hadn't even allowed himself to say to suddenly hit her at once. But that wasn't reality, and Liv could not read his mind. 

"Well I'm sorry to scare you with the thought of how much paperwork that would bring, but I'm fine."

Hotch's fingers squeezed between his eyes has he tried to stop the pounding in his head, a thousand flooding feelings washing him out at once. "This isn't about my job."

That struck a nerve in her, one that made her forget every ounce of exhaustion that nested in her bones; made her shed every ounce of professionalism she had been forcing upon herself when in his presence. "No." She shook her head, her expression twisting in confusion, before settling on plain denial. "Aaron, you do not get to claim it's personal when it's convenient for you. _That's not fair."_

He could tell he had sparked rage in her when he could see her shoulders rising and falling with rigid breaths. Everything he was saying was wrong, and it was his fault alone. He had forced himself to be so resistant to the idea of caring for another person, that even when he was vividly aware of the damage he was doing, he could not stop.

And he wondered if she hated him for it, like he did himself. Perhaps the act of his resistance alone was so unpromising, she could never even look at him that way again. When he did not speak, aware that nothing productive would come of his words, she chose to pursue words once more. 

And maybe it was the hopeful feelings of her own, or perhaps it was the tortured look in his eyes that his falsely angry expression couldn't touch, but she said something bold. "You're mad at me right now over something I had no control of." Her voice fell more quiet, not losing the impact of her words. "Have you even stopped to think about why?"

_Had he even stopped to think about why... Had he?_

Only because it was at her request, he let the truth hit him. It wasn't like a sudden epiphany, but a fact that had made a home inside of him finally coming to light. It was the parting of clouds that let the sunlight seep through. 

It was every worry in his mind, every wrinkle in his clothes. It was late night office hours that he constantly fell into. It was pressed suits, and the laughter of his child, and every familiar face he had grown to cherish. To him, it was home. _She_ was home.

Wielding that thought in mind, and forcing himself to break the habit of hiding it away, he come towards her. 

The air between them was pushed aside, making room for his body. And as quickly as he had decided to disregard all doubt and acknowledge his feelings, he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, pulling her in. 

In Liv's mind, she didn't know what to think. Not at first, anyways. At first she was angry. Angry at his anger, angry at his indecisiveness. She was even done. But it only took a matter of seconds for that to fall apart, all resentment and hard feelings crumbling like sand as it was whisked away. It only took, to be exact, the amount of seconds that it took for Aaron to fill the space in between them.

All she had needed, for awhile now, was a reason. A reason to believe she wasn't crazy, a reason to justify hope. A reason that moving on could mean happiness rather than just contentment. 

And with her every fiber, she had been pushing away the mere thought of him in response to his resistance. _If he didn't want her, she didn't want him._ But no amount of logic or self affirmations could change the fact that the moment he stepped towards her, every negative fell to hell and all she could think of was having him closer. Just like every comforting question he asked. Just like every night in a hotel room he spent patching her up. It was every time something happened that put her in danger, and he couldn't stop the ways in which that made him feel.

She loathed the way he couldn't sort his feelings. She loathed the way he chose to be angry at her when he was angry at everything else. But the second he let his guard down, she took note to do so too, and none of that mattered anymore. The second he chose to showed he cared, she didn't waste a moment to do the same. She had been aching for the chance. 

His hand wrapped around the back of her neck, pulling her in to meet him half way, eager to connect his lips with hers. If this was a response, or a spontaneous urge, she wasn't sure. All she knew was, for a moment, he was allowing himself to bask in his feelings rather than tighten them up and polish them over. He was allowing his lips to press hers closed, and with every ounce of her, she could resist that. The second they connected, she couldn't dream of pulling away.

No ounce of logic could do it justice; no reason could deter her. She had a chance, a chance to _feel_ him. And even with every count of what she stood for, none of it measured up to the chance. For all she knew, she didn't care if this was the end. She didn't care if this was the best she got. It was something, regardless, that she got to feel. She felt too lucky for that chance, even with all her self worth competing beside it. 

His warm vanilla lips pressed against her hard, tongue waiting no time to deepen the kiss the moment he noted she was not eager to leave. It was almost too much for him to bear; the thought alone that even for a second he could love her the way he wanted to. Despite that, doubt crept in again and made him pull away, just for the sake of hoping he hadn't done anything wrong.

"You're so unfair." She breathed out, still trying to catch up with reality as she scanned his face. Her words didn't stall her eyes from falling on his lips, finding nowhere else to roam. 

"And you are the most stubborn woman I have ever met." He stated. He was breathless himself, and even at his own statement, her eyes did not wander from what she wanted. This time, the second she realized he was waiting for permission, she pulled him into her, every ounce of fury fueling the passion behind her actions more.

And with that, she felt the weight of a thousand fights they hadn't had. A thousand things they had yet to say. A thousand things for him that she had yet to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have horrible Imposter Syndrome. That's why this took so long. I'm also in quarantine for COVID, but I've for sure been avoiding this chapter no matter how much I wanted to write it because I knew it was a big one. Kinda like how it turned out though. There are some lines specifically that I'm proud of. I hope everyone if staying safe during this time and staying happy :) I wonder about everyone. Thoughts?


	19. Chapter 19

Instead of it being the sun that weekend morning, it was a loud slam of a cabinet in her kitchen that made Liv stir from her sleep. She lifted her head lazily, moving her legs through the tangled sheets and wondering what the hell that sound has been. This time, it was the opening of a drawer.

She blinked awake, suddenly throwing back her covers and quietly creeping over to the door. She pulled it open slightly, looking through the crack to a direct view of her kitchen. Only, she didn't see anyone moving about, only waking her up more in suspicion.

Liv pulled the door open slowly, sneaking out along the floors of her house in only a big t-shirt and a pair of underwear. When she rounded the corner, she let out a yelp in surprise.

"Mom! What the hell are you doing here?" She called out immediately, looking at her mother wide eyed. 

"You really should be watering this Pothus plant more, you know. She looks so sad." Her mother said mindlessly as she watered a plant in the corner of Liv's kitchen with a water pitcher, not seeming startled at all by Liv's entrance. 

"You can't just show up at my house whenever you want, what if I had somebody here?"

Her mother turned at the sound of that, looking at her in curiosity, before peering over her shoulder to catch a glance into her bedroom, disappointed at the emptiness of it. 

"Honey, whenever you start dating, I'll stop showing up. Until then-"

"You're going to act like my boyfriend instead of my mom? Great."

Despite the annoyance in her voice, Liv wandered over to the coffee pot that her mother had already started, pouring a cup for herself. It was a Saturday, and unless a case popped up suddenly, it was one of her only chances of free time. 

"Perhaps if you _did_ have a man in bed, you wouldn't wake up so grumpy." Her mother sassed back. She was the direct source in which Liv got her sharp tongue from, having been raised by a woman who consistently spoke things a little too forward. After she said that, she gave Liv a wink and smile, as to make sure the comment settled as nothing more than lighthearted. That was something about her mother that Liv appreciated greatly; she was cheeky, but still, she never pushed it too far. Even Liv's mother could understand the spiral she could go into with a comment like that, had she given it the time of day. 

Liv smiled back at her, shaking her head. A moment of being annoyed with her mother never lasted longer than 30 seconds, and whether or not that was for healthy reasons, Liv wasn't sure. She had been addressing a lot more in therapy recently than her relationship with her family. 

Her mother stared at her with squinted eyes as she sipped her coffee, waiting until Liv brought her mug away from her face before speaking.

"What's up with you? Did you moisturize this morning?"

Liv's hand flew up to her face instinctively as if there was something wrong with it, quirking an eyebrow at her mother. "Nothing's wrong with me, what are you talking about?" She slapped her mothers hand away as it reached for her face. "I just woke up-"

"You look younger."

"Are you telling me I'm old?"

Her mother let a laugh slip past her lips, shaking her head and she reached to pick up her own cup of coffee. "No, honey. If I did that, I would have to admit that I am."

Liv's phone buzzed from the counter, a chime playing as a named flashed across her screen. Her hand reached to look at it as her mother continued. "All I'm saying, is you look more refreshed than usual. You know, it's been awhile since you've looked like you've actually slept in the past 48 hours-"

Liv let sigh escape her lips, no matter how much she actually wanted to let her face be consumed with an expression of content. "It's work."

"This is your day off!" Her mother exasperated, as if she was still surprised by this news. They both knew she wasn't, she just had a flare for the dramatics.

"I know- I've got to go." Liv shot her mother a forced look of disappointment, taking large swallows of her coffee before shuffling back to her room to gather her appearance. 

"Fine, while you're gone, I'm at least going to dust."

-

Liv straightened her blouse as she sat down, most of the team members already around the table. She had gotten there relativity soon after getting Penelope's text that they had a case, despite her mothers opposition and blatant desire to make her stay even just a little longer. 

"Well look at you." Morgan mused beside her as she sunk into her seat, that stupid, sly smirk on his face. She furrowed his brow at him in response, attempting to regain her intimidating demeanor. "Look at that-" He leaned forwards, teasingly lifting a finger. "Is that- is that a smile?"

Liv's face dropped, deserting any possible expression it had that she was not aware of. In fact, at Morgan's words, she felt a little compelled to force a frown for the sake of getting him to stop looking at her. "What the hell are you talking about, Morgan?"

He let out a hearty laugh in response, getting amusement out of something he didn't even know the full picture to as Reid watched from the other side of the table in curiosity. She was sure if he did, he would be giving her an even harder time for it. 

And at the thought of it, coinciding with the shift of atmosphere as Hotch walked into the room, his familiar scowl on his face, she was forced to remember what had happened to make her feel so much lighter. As quickly as it came, she tried to push it out of her mind. The contact; the feeling of his skin. When he walked into the briefing room, he seemed no different than he always was. Liv felt wrong for a moment to think of him as anything more, no matter how much she had been tracing the feeling along her lips since before.

"I know we've all seen the news. Mass murder in Miles City, Montana. Six people shot and killed at a gas station." Hotch set, setting down a case file and nodding to Garcia to pull up the crime scene photos on the screen.

"Robbery?" Prentiss immediately asked, looking at the screen covered in gore and chaos. Liv stared at it too, trying to focus her attention on the case at hand, despite the way her eyes trailed over to Hotch consistently, whether he was speaking or not. He shook his head in response to Prentiss, his eyes not falling on Liv once. Not that she saw, anyway. 

"No apparent motive." Rossi's eyes scanned over a paper, speaking his thoughts out loud. 

"Any security footage?" Liv spoke up, gaining Hotch's attention at her question. His eyes landed on her, taking in her presence along with the rest of her carefully and quickly before answering. 

"No cameras and no witnesses. Ballistics say we are looking at two shooters."

"Something at the station must of triggered them. It doesn't look like they had much of a plan." Morgan commented immediately, dragging Hotch's attention away.

"Spree killers often repeat themselves." Rossi stated. Hotch gave a nod in agreement. 

"It's only a matter of time. Wheels up in thirty." He said plainly, nodding to the team before turning and walking out. Liv was a little let down to see that he would go so soon, not sure what more she was expecting. For that, she shamed herself endlessly as she gathered her things and grabbed her go-bag. As if she was expecting anything to change? Why would she do that?

And she knew it, the moment she kissed him. That she had to be ready for the possibility that it was the only chance to. She couldn't help it; work or not, she wanted him alone again. She shook the thought from her mind, wondering where her determined, unwavering attention had gone. It was as if the second he walked in, it simply evaporated. Liv was not a fan. 

"Why the sudden long face?" Morgan teased again, merely commenting on her zoned out expression. She glared at him in response, throwing her bag over her shoulder and rolling her eyes.

"Screw off, Morgan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one will come soon because this was late and short. I'd say why but it just feels like an excuse so you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm so excited for this next chapter omg


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